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snide 07-11-2019 12:49pm

Lone Ranger and Tonto
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping in the wilderness. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars”.

“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?”

“You dumber than buffalo....it mean someone stole tent!”

DAB 07-11-2019 1:23pm

same guy must have taken Holmes and Watson's tent.

Dixievet 07-11-2019 1:25pm

Tonto and Lone Ranger were riding through the wilderness when they stopped to take a leak.

Once they finished, Tonto leaned over and put his ear to the ground.

Lone Ranger said "What is it Tonto?"

Tonto Replied "Buffalo come"

Lone Ranger said "You can hear them?"

Tonto replied "No, ear sticky"

DAB 07-11-2019 1:43pm

Lone Ranger and Tonto see a band of attacking braves coming toward them.

LR says, "we better get ready"

T says, "what's this WE stuff white man?"

Wathen1955 07-11-2019 6:04pm

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane...
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat … As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, ” Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “” Business. I’m going to the Annual Nympho- maniacs of America Convention in Boston .”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”
” Lecturer,” she responded. ” I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. ” And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained,” one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. ” I’m sorry,” she said, ” I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name…”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

Mike Mercury 07-12-2019 1:27pm

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/CookedChee...restricted.gif


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