I went to the zoo
 

There was only one animal.


It was a dog.


It was a shih tzu.

What did the elephant say to a naked man?
"Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?"

What do you call a crocodile with GPS?
A Navi-gator.

What do polar bears eat for lunch?
Ice berg-ers!

What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

Gene, that you? :D

Not Gene. He's not home from skrool.:D

I was at the museum recently. I asked a worker there if I was allowed to take pictures.

He said no, they had to stay on the walls.

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Monica Lewinsky turned 46 last month.

Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth.

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I learned that "cholesterol" is just...

a clever word for "flavor."

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Mike is auditioning to join Spence and Gene on their tour of the Catskills.