10 things I learned in the hopital and pictures.

[8Up]

So I was in the hospital all last week had my surgery on the 28th, discharged on the 5th. It was the longest I had ever been in a hospital and I learned a few things.

1. Nurses are the most awesome people.
2. Surgery can make you constipated
3. Nurses want to know when the last time you had a bowel movement was.
4. If you ask a nurse for a suppository she wont just hand it to you....
5. Suppositories work pretty fast.
6. Suppositories work more than once.
7. There is nothing at all sexual about a nurse grasping your JohnThomas if she is pulling out a foley catheter.
8. There is a vampire that comes around every morning between 3 and 4 AM and draws blood.
9. Nurses dont care what you are or are not wearing, they're coming in your room.
10. Liquid diets are for the birds.

And as promised........
Here is the awesome haircut I got:
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m178/dkp7895/Hospital%20crop_zpsiw0xfzhw.jpg

And a close up of the incisions. The big gauze pad is covering my drain which is a clear rubber tube with a bulb on the end full of what looks like prune juice.
http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m178/dkp7895/IMG_3723_zpsp3b8bsgb.jpg

I am pretty swollen in both pictures, I have lost about 14 lbs to date since the 28th. had a follow up today with my surgeon. all tests came back from Pathology as a non cancerous but growing beneign tumor. those are the laymans terms, he told me the real name and it means the same thing. I dont have to expect any further treatments on this but they want to set me up with an oncologist to see if we can start a family history gene map thing, getting my siblings and parents to get blood tests etc. Thanks everybody for the kind thoughts and prayers and feel free to photoshop my torso next to Steve Corrells from The 40 yr old Virgin.

[69camfrk]

Glad you're gonna be alright!:seasix:

[island14]

4. If you ask a nurse for a suppository she wont just hand it to you....

Was that on the itemized bill? :island14:

If so how much?.. :Jeff '79:

[8Up]

Was that on the itemized bill? :island14:

If so how much?.. :Jeff '79:

Ill have to check, Im just glad she had short fingers because she was putting that thing in to stay!

[69camfrk]

Was that on the itemized bill? :island14:

If so how much?.. :Jeff '79:

And for the love of all that is good, please everyone, don't ask for pictures of said suppository installation....:leaving:

[island14]

Ill have to check, Im just glad she had short fingers because she was putting that thing in to stay!

short fingers... LOL

[Kerrmudgeon]

:rofl:.....your chest looks like you have hairy eyebrows over your nipples!

[RonC5]

Glad as worked out.

1. Nurses are the most awesome people. True
2. Surgery can make you constipated True
3. Nurses want to know when the last time you had a bowel movement was. True
4. If you ask a nurse for a suppository she wont just hand it to you.... I knew better
5. Suppositories work pretty fast. See #4
6. Suppositories work more than once. See #4
7. There is nothing at all sexual about a nurse grasping your JohnThomas if she is pulling out a foley catheter. True
8. There is a vampire that comes around every morning between 3 and 4 AM and draws blood. True
9. Nurses dont care what you are or are not wearing, they're coming in your room. True
10. Liquid diets are for the birds. True

You are lucky, my adventure included 40+ staples vertically. I told my surgeon to go around the belly button next time instead of thru it. Staples inside you navel are really, really not fun at all.

[Lowflight]

That is how I looked when I had gall bladder surgery in Jan of 2007. I am personal friends with my surgeon and asked him to perform the surgery. In addition, I said don't shave me funny, go ahead and Brazil it. Bastard put a crescent moon on the left side. LOL

When I woke up in recovery I asked my wife to lift the gown, she laughed so hard the nurse came in thinking something was wrong. :rofl:

[Truck Guy]

:yesnod: All true!

Especially the one about the vampire. Always at 3-4am :lol:

[island14]

:rofl:.....your chest looks like you have hairy eyebrows over your nipples!


Kinda makes you want a Nurse to give you a suppository huh? :lol:

[Lowflight]

:yesnod: All true!

Especially the one about the vampire. Always at 3-4am :lol:

Just as you finally go to sleep with all the tubes in you. And they turn the stupid overhead light on:yesnod:

[Mike Mercury]

dang dude; looks like you are recovering though.

BTW;
4. If you ask a nurse for a suppository she wont just hand it to you....


is also true whan asking Knooger for one :leaving:

[6spdC6]

So I was in the hospital all last week had my surgery on the 28th, discharged on the 5th. It was the longest I had ever been in a hospital and I learned a few things.

1. Nurses are the most awesome people.
2. Surgery can make you constipated
3. Nurses want to know when the last time you had a bowel movement was.
4. If you ask a nurse for a suppository she wont just hand it to you....
5. Suppositories work pretty fast.
6. Suppositories work more than once.
7. There is nothing at all sexual about a nurse grasping your JohnThomas if she is pulling out a foley catheter.
8. There is a vampire that comes around every morning between 3 and 4 AM and draws blood.
9. Nurses dont care what you are or are not wearing, they're coming in your room.
10. Liquid diets are for the birds.

[/IMG]
n.

You can add to your list. When going into a hospital check your modesty and privacy at the door cause you aint getting any of that shit till you go home.

Yes anastasia and pain meds can lock your asshole up tight!

I had a kidney removed (Cancer) on that side and I also had all the holes in my frontal area like you show. Being I was a diabetic they started at 5 one leach wanted a little finger blood, and an hour or so later another leach (Phlebotomist) came in to draw a few vials of blood.

Good luck!:cert:

[DAB]

yup, all true..particularly #2.

[MrPeabody]

11. The Hospital is the most expensive hotel in town. $2,500 a night where I live, and no premium cable channels.:yesnod:

[Broken Wind]

tCmirI2-qo0

[ApexOversteer]

In August I did four days in ICU, three surgeries and two weeks in a regular room before they let me go home.

Some observations...

If your catheter tube gets kinked the urge to pee grows... and grows... and grows... you're at the point where you would have already pissed your pants in a public setting it's so bad... and it gets worse... I was full on, I want my mommy bawling, grinding my teeth before the nurse came in, and I couldn't get the words out it was so bad... I'm writhing in the bed and she goes "oh hey, this isn't right" and unkinks the line releasing the biblical flood... I shook like Micheal J Fox for an hour.

Once the catheter is out, if you can't aim your penis to piss and hold the bottle at the same time, because you need one hand to steady yourself and you can't see it anyway, and you're going to ask a person to hold the bottle and talk you down to the runway, you need to respect that person, sincerely and completely. Even the time she forgets to take the top off the bottle and you both get sprayed and it takes three damn attempts before she goes, "oh hey, the cap's on!"

Learning the schedule is important. Know when they're likely to pop in. Because you DO NOT want to get caught cuffing the suspect. And think it through; You'll need a piss 5 minutes after you're done, better get rid of the evidence! "Oh hey, you're going through tissues, having a lot of mucus?"

[Burro (He/Haw)]

So catherters. My dad has gone through a couple Bladder cancer surgeries at the VA Hospital. And rather than coming home with that thing in his dick, he'd cath himself three times a day. Can you fuking imagine?

[6spdC6]

So catherters. My dad has gone through a couple Bladder cancer surgeries at the VA Hospital. And rather than coming home with that thing in his dick, he'd cath himself three times a day. Can you fuking imagine?

Unfortunately I can They have those catherter commercials all over the cable TV channels. They sometimes say they will send you a month supply at a time and there are over 200 cathes enclosed.

My old man can home from the hospital with a inserted one.

[stingraymyway]

Small incisions. Robotic surgery?

[DAB]

hernia surgery last year. in and out in one day. 3 small incisions.

[boracayjohnny]

In August I did four days in ICU, three surgeries and two weeks in a regular room before they let me go home.

Some observations...

If your catheter tube gets kinked the urge to pee grows... and grows... and grows... you're at the point where you would have already pissed your pants in a public setting it's so bad... and it gets worse... I was full on, I want my mommy bawling, grinding my teeth before the nurse came in, and I couldn't get the words out it was so bad... I'm writhing in the bed and she goes "oh hey, this isn't right" and unkinks the line releasing the biblical flood... I shook like Micheal J Fox for an hour.
:rofl::lol:
Once the catheter is out, if you can't aim your penis to piss and hold the bottle at the same time, because you need one hand to steady yourself and you can't see it anyway, and you're going to ask a person to hold the bottle and talk you down to the runway, you need to respect that person, sincerely and completely. Even the time she forgets to take the top off the bottle and you both get sprayed and it takes three damn attempts before she goes, "oh hey, the cap's on!" She was smart enough for nursing school but took three tries on that? Wow.

Learning the schedule is important. Know when they're likely to pop in. Because you DO NOT want to get caught cuffing the suspect. And think it through; You'll need a piss 5 minutes after you're done, better get rid of the evidence! "Oh hey, you're going through tissues, having a lot of mucus?"

:lol:


Takes notes...

[OddBall]

You do know that Knooger is spankin' it to those pics, right?

[8Up]

You do know that Knooger is spankin' it to those pics, right?

I look at it like I have inspired someone to action.