NCC-1701
08-09-2015, 7:34pm
I'm fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like:
"I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." “ I am your sister-in-law. ”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital
bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O,
you said that might hurt! “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000
on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she
couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she
goes ****ing nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be
rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and
said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a Pu$$y not a Fu@king photo-copier."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Dr Phil:
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom
window. As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there,
arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy gets a call at work from the police telling him that his house had been robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of
silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they screwed my wife after only five beers!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for not calling you on New Year's, but I just got out of jail. I was
locked up for punching the shit out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,
when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I'm coming or going."
I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when
you're coming you look like a ****ing squirrel trying to whistle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I ****ed a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?"
Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity :lol::lol:
"I'm tired." "I'm washing my hair." "I've got a headache." “ I am your sister-in-law. ”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman in labor is in pain and screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital
bed. He says, "Hey, don't blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass, but N-O-O-O-O,
you said that might hurt! “
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000
on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she
couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she
goes ****ing nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was born, "I don't mean to be
rude but he doesn't look anything like my son." The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and
said, "I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a Pu$$y not a Fu@king photo-copier."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Dr Phil:
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom
window. As I was jerking off, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there,
arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy gets a call at work from the police telling him that his house had been robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of
silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they screwed my wife after only five beers!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sorry for not calling you on New Year's, but I just got out of jail. I was
locked up for punching the shit out of this idiot at a party. In my defense,
when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I'm coming or going."
I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face you're going, because when
you're coming you look like a ****ing squirrel trying to whistle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I ****ed a girl named Penny. Is that spooky or what?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip, do you think about me?"
Apparently, "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly!" wasn't the right answer.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity :lol::lol: