NeedSpeed
10-14-2014, 2:24pm
Senior citizen gang bang kills 7
In Charleroi, Belgium, an event promoter had organized what was considered the largest senior citizen orgy in the European Union. But the so-called “50 Shades of Karolos” gang bang turned into an unfortunate game of hide-the-salami-and-die after seven people suffered fatal heart attacks.
Nord Presse reported that, on Saturday, event promoter José Deflandre had secured a secret location for the event, and only men and women over the age of 65 could attend. Of those 35 randy, naked seniors in attendance, an unknown number suffered cardiac arrests and were rushed to a nearby medical center.
The evening turned sour once two attendees reported feeling sharp pains in their chests during the event and were seen to by doctors on site. (Good of Deflandre to consider such a contingency.)
Hospital attention was soon required as more guests were suffering similar symptoms. Some say that the panic of others having heart attacks caused some kind of heart attack ripple among others, transforming the sex orgy into some kind of pulmonary circlejerk.
In the aftermath, the ambulance could not rush everyone to the hospital in time. Some made it. Others, sadly, did not. Deflandre was not available for comment.
UPDATE: It has been brought to our attention that Nord Presse is a satirical news site. No one went banging in Charleroi. No one died. Senior citizens did not have an orgy. Death and Taxes regrets the error.
:leaving:
In Charleroi, Belgium, an event promoter had organized what was considered the largest senior citizen orgy in the European Union. But the so-called “50 Shades of Karolos” gang bang turned into an unfortunate game of hide-the-salami-and-die after seven people suffered fatal heart attacks.
Nord Presse reported that, on Saturday, event promoter José Deflandre had secured a secret location for the event, and only men and women over the age of 65 could attend. Of those 35 randy, naked seniors in attendance, an unknown number suffered cardiac arrests and were rushed to a nearby medical center.
The evening turned sour once two attendees reported feeling sharp pains in their chests during the event and were seen to by doctors on site. (Good of Deflandre to consider such a contingency.)
Hospital attention was soon required as more guests were suffering similar symptoms. Some say that the panic of others having heart attacks caused some kind of heart attack ripple among others, transforming the sex orgy into some kind of pulmonary circlejerk.
In the aftermath, the ambulance could not rush everyone to the hospital in time. Some made it. Others, sadly, did not. Deflandre was not available for comment.
UPDATE: It has been brought to our attention that Nord Presse is a satirical news site. No one went banging in Charleroi. No one died. Senior citizens did not have an orgy. Death and Taxes regrets the error.
:leaving: