Speaking of GAAAAYYYYYZZZZ

[Sea Six]

Never send a gay guy to grocery-shop for a redneck.



I dropped a kidney stone about 3 or 4 o'clock this afternoon. :cuss:


I didn't hardly have a thing to eat in the house. So, I did what any desperate straight white middle-aged balding overweight kidney stone-burdened male would do. I went Straight Eye For The Queer Guy® - who just happens to be living right next door.

Bent over double, in the clutches of some of the most searing pain I have ever, ever experienced in my 47 years, I flagged him down out in the yard and told him to get some Gatorade (three big OR'NGE and three big CHERRY bott'ls), an 18 pack of some eggs, bacon (any Oscar Mayer, just grab the first thing closest), a pound of deli roast beef, a pound of Swiss sliced cheese at the deli, some 'tater salad, two cases of Kroger water, white bread, may-o'-NNAYYSSE, ten cans of Old Fashioned Campbell's chicken and stars 'cause you don't actually have to chew it if you feel you are in too much pain to do so, and maybe another item or two.

The grocery store is at most ten minutes down the road.



Dang near close to TWO HOURS later.... this is what I got.

Some sort of faggoty (but delicious, I feel obligated to mention) sliced fresh-baked delicatessen Artisan bread... looking at it, I guess it might count as white... in some circles....

Boar's Head Sliced London Broil (at least, through my pain-drenched ears, I think that's what he said he bought)

A Half-pound of sliced Some Uppity Swiss cheese... because the pound I requested just seemed a *tad* overwhelming for the amount of roast beef I requested

About a pint jar of Hellman's may-OH-nnAAAYYSE... (because it's the best)

Some faggoty pink Susan G. Whateverhername logo is stamped (on every single egg, mind you) 18-pack of eggs

One extra-extra-extra large OR-unjjjj and one extra-extra-extra large RED gatorade, plus one extra-extra large OR0unjj and one extra-extra large RED gatorade because it looks like I could drink all of it and I really wasn't that specific as to the size I wanted so he just got two of each of the biggies

Ten of the actual, factual Campbell's Chicken And Stars soups (and a double noodle chicken soup, which, I just admit, I'm a little curious about and might just try first) :ohnoes: :wow: :ohnoes: :wow:


You get the idea.




:crazy:




God bless this fukker. He ever needs any grocery shopping from me, I'm there for him.

:coolest:

:hurray: :hurray:





:dance:

[Blademaker]

So you're gonna be picking out furniture together?

[Sea Six]

So you're gonna be picking out furniture together?

We're registered at Denny's.

:yesnod:




























I'm down for a double-order of Moon Over My Hammys. :eek:

[Blademaker]

:funniest:

[RED-85-Z51]

You were bent over in pain and there was a gay man present....thats where i stopped reading, brokeback mountain didnt start off that gay, and ive been told how that one ended...

[Sea Six]

You were bent over in pain and there was a gay man present....thats where i stopped reading, brokeback mountain didnt start off that gay, and ive been told how that one ended...

I feel just fine.




























And I'm good with that. :coolest:







Plus, you left out the fact that I was desperate. :seasix:

[Bill]

We're registered at Denny's.

:yesnod:

I'm down for a double-order of Moon Over My Hammys. :eek:

That's IHOP, not Dennys.


:bill_daniels:

[LATB]

About a pint jar of Hellman's may-OH-nnAAAYYSE... (because it's the best)


And self respecting southerner knows Dukes is THE only mayo worthy. :seasix: :cert:

[Bill]

You were bent over in pain and there was a gay man present....thats where i stopped reading, brokeback mountain didnt start off that gay, and ive been told how that one ended...

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZYWcWxU56wY/S8ZT19nT6DI/AAAAAAAAANE/-ydhHJKEE7I/s1600/moth-to-solar-flame.jpg

[RED-85-Z51]

I feel just fine.




























And I'm good with that. :coolest:







Plus, you left out the fact that I was desperate. :seasix:

So desperate you let him suck the kidney stone right out of ya huh? Now we know why it passed so quick.

[Sea Six]

That's IHOP, not Dennys.


:bill_daniels:





FAIL.

[Bill]

FAIL.

Damn. I guess it's been too long since I have been to a Denny's. I stand corrected.









Carry on.

[Sea Six]

Damn. I guess it's been too long since I have been to a Denny's. I stand corrected.









Carry on.

We forgive you.


:angel: :angel:

[Sea Six]

:funnier: :funnier:

[Skia]

And self respecting southerner knows Dukes is THE only mayo worthy. :seasix: :cert:
:withstupid:

[DukeAllen]

I feel just fine.

And you look FABULOUS :fruit:

[Sea Six]

So desperate you let him suck the kidney stone right out of ya huh? Now we know why it passed so quick.

That thing went outta me so fast, it musta been coated with Crisco™.

Not kidding.











I hardly felta thang. :eek:



:willy:

[Sea Six]

And you look FABULOUS :fruit:

I FEEL fabulous.

That's for gYAHT-danged sure.



:ack:

[LisaJohn]

Bama mayo is the best!

[sanchez]

He gonna want to watch you masturbate for his birthday.

It'll be a little odd at first, but soon your lose yourself in the moment and think if that special present to your neighbor often afterwards. Wanting to relive the thrill, but not wanting to break the spell of that first thrilling moment you'll find little ways to make yourself indebted to him in an effort to have him make the same exciting request.

In three years you will both have matching mini coopers and spend your weekends taking pictures of interesting gates and doors with antique cameras.

You'll also wax each other mustaches.

In both the literal sense.... And the figurative one.....

[Sea Six]

oh.



Oh.






OH. :nonod:


And I almost forgot.


















Here's the one thing I didn't even ask for (I swear to God, I really, truly did NOT ask for this).


He just thought it would be the perfect complement to everything he'd brought up 'til now.


http://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/members/sea+six-albums-schtick-picture2198-image.jpg





This cake is absolutely f'n delicious. And it's JUST RIGHT for everything else I've had tonight.




:wow:

[markids77]

That would be Duke's HEAVY DUTY may-oh-nayse fer shure there good buddy! 10-4!

[Brett K]

You have a good neighbor! I am sure there is an appropriate Hallmark thank you card. Pick up a new sweater for his rescue Malti-poo while you are out.

[island14]

He gonna want to watch you masturbate for his birthday.

It'll be a little odd at first, but soon your lose yourself in the moment and think if that special present to your neighbor often afterwards. Wanting to relive the thrill, but not wanting to break the spell of that first thrilling moment you'll find little ways to make yourself indebted to him in an effort to have him make the same exciting request.

In three years you will both have matching mini coopers and spend your weekends taking pictures of interesting gates and doors with antique cameras.

You'll also wax each other mustaches.

In both the literal sense.... And the figurative one.....



:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


In three years you will both have matching mini coopers and spend your weekends taking pictures of interesting gates and doors with antique cameras.

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[RED-85-Z51]

oh.



Oh.






OH. :nonod:


And I almost forgot. It was a little weird when he was dropping this stuff off, I asked him where the mayo was, and he told me he had a surprise for me on that one.

It was a bit strange at first, but he promised me it would be worth it. He had me put on a blindfold, get on my knees and suck the mayo out of some kind of hose, he grabbed my ears a few times and I told him I didnt like that, but to be honest, Im not sure what brand it was...he said it was BJ's or something...Im not a fan, it was not great.

I have bad news bro...

[DukeAllen]

Looks like he nailed it. You get nailed next.

:leaving:

[MrPeabody]

Patience pays off. We all knew you would find your life partner. Does Molly approve?

[NeedSpeed]

And self respecting southerner knows Dukes is THE only mayo worthy. :seasix: :cert:

I just bought some. Haven't tried yet. I've got some Hellmans and Kraft on stand by for a test. Didn't know it existed until I read an article recently, so we'll see how it goes :D

[Aerovette]

Same stuff my wife would have bought.

Since there is no sex in either case, can he clean house? :lol:



Dear wife, if you are reading this it was more than likely a joke. :leaving:

[Bill]

If anyone needs me, I'll be sleeping on the couch in the garage for the next week or so.

:iagree:





:D

[TabuIsMe]

You were bent over in pain and there was a gay man present....thats where i stopped reading, And enjoyed my own fantasies, cliffs?..

Fixt*

[Cybercowboy]

Same stuff my wife would have bought.

Since there is no sex in either case, can he clean house? :lol:



Dear wife, if you are reading this it was more than likely a joke. :leaving:

My wife will go to four or five different stores to buy groceries. She gets our eggs, for instance, at a place that sources them locally. Sausages too.

Seasix, that fancy bread won't last a month like your Wonder Bread will, so just be aware of that.

[Bill]

My wife will go to four or five different stores to buy groceries. She gets our eggs, for instance, at a place that sources them locally. Sausages too.

Seasix, that fancy bread won't last a month like your Wonder Bread will, so just be aware of that.

I usually stock up on bread and bagels at the "day old" shop at the Mrs. Baird's bread plant, then put it in the freezer until I am ready to use it. I also keep any kind of bread in the fridge, since our climate is so humid. It's about 1/2 to 1/8 the price at the grocery store. Of course, I ran out this week and had to go pay almost $ 3 for one loaf of bread at the grocery store.

[DukeAllen]

I usually stock up on bread and bagels at the "day old" shop at the Mrs. Baird's bread plant, then put it in the freezer until I am ready to use it. I also keep any kind of bread in the fridge, since our climate is so humid. It's about 1/2 to 1/8 the price at the grocery store. Of course, I ran out this week and had to go pay almost $ 3 for one loaf of bread at the grocery store.

I've heard that, besides freezing, bread keeps better in the open than in the fridge, but YMMV

[Bill]

I've heard that, besides freezing, bread keeps better in the open than in the fridge, but YMMV

I only keep bread on the counter when I'm running low on penicillin.

[DukeAllen]

I only keep bread on the counter when I'm running low on penicillin.

Don't overdo the antibiotics and create a super bug. Bad enough we're all going to die of ebola now :leaving:

[86RAG]

Bad enough we're all going to die of ebola now :leaving:

:omg: :ohnoes: :willy: