Get in here and entertain my ass, will ya?

[LilRedCorvette]

I'm pretty darned sick, posting from my laptop in bed. This sucks monkey butt, so can y'all get in here and tell some jokes, post funny pics...anything to keep me from going nuts (please?)

kthx

[thkauffman]

Entertain your ass? Pics first...

[pewter-FRC]

are we allowed to use kitchen utensils??

and pics of what ill be working with?

[LilRedCorvette]

Oh my.....

[carlton_fritz]

Check out this (http://www.artfactory.com/) website. They have some cool stuff.

[Sea Six]

I'm not sick.

I'm just going to camp here in this thread and piggyback on the free entertainment show.

:waiting:

[Knooger]

Is this what you mean by, "sucks monkey butt"?

http://cfupload.stevesdomain.net/images/4c621501cc.jpg

[pewter-FRC]

http://i611.photobucket.com/albums/tt196/pewter-frc/ist2_10866394-doctor-proctologist.jpg

[LilRedCorvette]

Is this what you mean by, "sucks monkey butt"?

http://cfupload.stevesdomain.net/images/4c621501cc.jpg

:lolsmile:

[Sneaks]

Monica Lewinsky dropped off her laundry at the dry cleaners.
As she walked out the door, the attendant said, "Come again!"
Monica turned and said, "No, it's just some alfredo sauce."
:dance:

[Exotix]

YouTube - Pallos Verdes California ride

[Sneaks]

Knooger and Nevrl8 were walking down the street and saw a dog licking his sack. Nevrl8 says, "Man, I'd like to try that."
Knooger says, "I tried it last week."
Neverl8: How'd you make out?
Knooger: Damn dog nearly bit my ear off!
:D

[LilRedCorvette]

YouTube - Pallos Verdes California ride (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve15rZvRlfI&feature=channel)

That was actually quite entertaining :cool: thanks! :thumbs:

[Allan]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:

[pewter-FRC]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:

and sometimes sneezing causes you to poop :leaving:

[LilRedCorvette]

Knooger and Nevrl8 were walking down the street and saw a dog licking his sack. Nevrl8 says, "Man, I'd like to try that."
Knooger says, "I tried it last week."
Neverl8: How'd you make out?
Knooger: Damn dog nearly bit my ear off!
:D

:lolsmile:

[carlton_fritz]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:
Some people can't do both at once.

[LilRedCorvette]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:

Fascinating.

[Allan]

and sometimes sneezing causes you to poop :leaving:

or at least fart :dance:

[cdg2000c5]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:

Not true.. however, I sure do hate when I'm having a urinal conversation with random strangers, and out pops a few terd nuggets.. straight out the bottom of my jorts

[LilRedCorvette]

or at least fart :dance:

I believe those are called 'snarts' :lol:

[JRD77VET]

First, hope you feel better real soon http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/GFU/zhug.gif




http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/GFU/vsh0914l.jpg


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/GFU/belt_sander.gif

[LilRedCorvette]

Some damn funny crap in here tonight :lolsmile:

[JRD77VET]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/kawa-ninja.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/highside.gif


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/smoking.gif



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/GP-Slide.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/stoppie_2681.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/rallycarflips.gif

[carlton_fritz]

This should amuse you.

YouTube - I Sell The Dead - movie

[JRD77VET]

YouTube - Vader Dances to Hammer You Can't Touch This Dance: Star Wars weekends 2009 Disney


:leaving:

[MEC5LADY]

Check out this (http://www.artfactory.com/) website. They have some cool stuff.

Are you trying to show her your wood?

Is this what you mean by, "sucks monkey butt"?

http://cfupload.stevesdomain.net/images/4c621501cc.jpg

:lolsmile::lolsmile: For you that would be the correct meaning but I doubt that is what Laurie had in mind.

I hope you feel better soon.

[carlton_fritz]

Are you trying to show her your wood?



:lolsmile::lolsmile: For you that would be the correct meaning but I doubt that is what Laurie had in mind.

I hope you feel better soon.
:leaving:

[Ms.Gem]

Well all the jokes I can think of some might take as racist so imma not say 'em. So feel better soon.

[MEC5LADY]

YouTube - Vader Dances to Hammer You Can't Touch This Dance: Star Wars weekends 2009 Disney (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIRQf0S3oD0)


:leaving:

That's good but Darth Vader dancing to Thriller kinda is errr interesting to say the least--- baby got moves.:above:

[MEC5LADY]

Well all the jokes I can think of some might take as racist so imma not say 'em. So feel better soon.

We gots PM you know. :popcorns:

[pewter-FRC]

We gots PMS you know. :popcorns:

fixt

[PLRX]

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj290/plrx/Funny/wifey-1.jpg

[Ms.Gem]

We gots PM you know. :popcorns:
:lol:
fixt

:beat::beat::D

[MEC5LADY]

fixt

:slap: I do believe that stands for Putting up with Men's Shit.

http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/jj290/plrx/Funny/wifey-1.jpg

:kick:What are you trying to do make Laurie throw up? You should be permabanned not only from this forum but the planet.

[Allan]

Some damn funny crap in here tonight :lolsmile:

Ah, Butt Bark. You know, those stubborn pieces of poo that cling to the hairs and refuse let go. While the rocking maneuver and pinch technique are favored stratesgies for dealing w/Butt Bark, if an additional wipe is warranted, it is best to wipe in a front-to-back fashion to generate the greatest degree of sheer force and avoid genital area contamination. :D

Synonyms: Grundle Weeds, Cling Ons, The Lone Ranger, Crap Crumbs & Hanging Chads. :lolsmile:

[Rotorhead]

Cute Girl at the Gym Video@@AMEPARAM@@http://embed.break.com/565848@@AMEPARAM@@565848

[Mirroredshades]

This will keep you busy for a while.

Joke of the Day - NSX Prime

[thkauffman]

http://www.mcarterbrown.com/gallery/data/500/33936094477bbcd9edd2f9021505651fd1f.jpg

[pewter-FRC]

Ponder this tonight.

While it's easy to pee without pooing, it's much less common that one sits down to poo without at least creating a tinkle. In fact, it is virtually impossible to drop a deuce and not experience this urge to urinate. This partnership is just another example of the human body's tendency to work in tandem, like closing the eyes while sneezing. :flush:

or at least fart :dance:

Ah, Butt Bark. You know, those stubborn pieces of poo that cling to the hairs and refuse let go. While the rocking maneuver and pinch technique are favored stratesgies for dealing w/Butt Bark, if an additional wipe is warranted, it is best to wipe in a front-to-back fashion to generate the greatest degree of sheer force and avoid genital area contamination. :D

Synonyms: Grundle Weeds, Cling Ons, The Lone Ranger, Crap Crumbs & Hanging Chads. :lolsmile:

do you see a pattern here? shit fetish? :o_o::o_o:

[Madmikeee]

http://chzgifs.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/thereitisp1.gif

[Sea Six]

YouTube - Alizée HD - J'en Ai Marre On Tubes - WOW World Of Warcraft Night Elf Female Dance

[wwomanC6]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

[VITE1]

Entertain your ass? Pics first...

:iagree::toetap:

[Sea Six]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

:lolsmile: Good one!

[Sneaks]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

:lolsmile::lolsmile:

[Rotorhead]

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the
girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up,I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed...3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in,and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem mad at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why?, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh. shit.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,and then tripped over the coffee table."

:rofl:

[wwomanC6]

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me.
You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished
in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.

"I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!",
said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
"I'm a firemen", said the second man.

"Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?"

And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

[Allan]

do you see a pattern here? shit fetish? :o_o::o_o:

One of those tear off daily calendars I got for Christmas. :lol:

[Petew1971]

Cute Girl at the Gym Video (http://www.break.com/cute-girls/cute-girl-at-the-gym.html)

this worx

[wwomanC6]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any
cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What
for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign"
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You
still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The
difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me
the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my
license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let
me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop or just slow down?"

[wwomanC6]

Story time!

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.
"Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered",
she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.

"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff'... and before he could say "F**K," the rottweiler ate him!"

[Truck Guy]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

:D

[MEC5LADY]

Hmmm in another couple of months it'll be time to trade in that winter long cold for a nice case of hay fever.:leaving:

[JRD77VET]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

:D


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/rimshot.gif

[jeff w]

:lolsmile: Fecking Wendy :lolsmile:

Joebuck, TheMonk, and PeteW all are riding in Joe's C4 and die in an epic car crash. Saint Peter meets them at the gates to Heaven and tells them the only rule of Heaven: Do not step on the ducks. Joebuck, thinking aloud, says "Don't step on the ducks, how hard can that be?" Once inside the gates the guys realize how hard this will be seeing nothing but ducks everywhere.

Within a few hours PeteW stepped on a duck. Suddenly Saint Peter appeared with the ugliest Amazonian looking woman PeteW has ever seen. Saint Peter chains the two together saying "PeteW, for your sin of stepping on a duck, you will be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all of eternity." Seeing this, Joebuck and TheMonk decide to be extra careful.

A few weeks later TheMonk steps on a duck and Saint Peter again appears chaining him to the ugliest woman TheMonk has ever seen. "The punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all eternity." Saint Peter says. At this point Joebuck makes it his only mission to never step on a duck.

Years go buy and one day Saint Peter appears before Joebuck with the most beautiful woman Joebuck has ever seen and chains them together. Joebuck asks Saint Peter "What did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman?" and before Saint Peter could respond the woman says "I stepped on a ****ing duck."

[Kerrmudgeon]

Here you go.......ass talker:D
YouTube - Ace Ventura - Pet Detective - Ass Talking Scene

[wwomanC6]

What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
" Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?
" Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from ."
Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied:
There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple..

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.



Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

[VITE1]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

:D

:lolsmile::lolsmile:

[wwomanC6]

:lolsmile: Fecking Wendy :lolsmile:

Joebuck, TheMonk, and PeteW all are riding in Joe's C4 and die in an epic car crash. Saint Peter meets them at the gates to Heaven and tells them the only rule of Heaven: Do not step on the ducks. Joebuck, thinking aloud, says "Don't step on the ducks, how hard can that be?" Once inside the gates the guys realize how hard this will be seeing nothing but ducks everywhere.

Within a few hours PeteW stepped on a duck. Suddenly Saint Peter appeared with the ugliest Amazonian looking woman PeteW has ever seen. Saint Peter chains the two together saying "PeteW, for your sin of stepping on a duck, you will be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all of eternity." Seeing this, Joebuck and TheMonk decide to be extra careful.

A few weeks later TheMonk steps on a duck and Saint Peter again appears chaining him to the ugliest woman TheMonk has ever seen. "The punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to the ugliest woman you have ever seen for all eternity." Saint Peter says. At this point Joebuck makes it his only mission to never step on a duck.

Years go buy and one day Saint Peter appears before Joebuck with the most beautiful woman Joebuck has ever seen and chains them together. Joebuck asks Saint Peter "What did I do to deserve such a beautiful woman?" and before Saint Peter could respond the woman says "I stepped on a ****ing duck."

Nice variation of that story! :rofl:

[JRD77VET]

A pirate walks into the bar with a ship's wheel hanging from the front of his pants.

He orders a rum and drinks it. The bartender is really curious about the ship's wheel but doesn't say anything.

After the pirate has his fourth rum, the bartender just has to know.

He asks the pirate What's with the ship's wheel hanging from the front of your pants? :confused5:

The pirate says ARRRGGHHH, it's driving me nuts


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/gif/piratepenguins.gif

[MEANZ06]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any
cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the deputy's expense.

Deputy says, "License and registration, please." Lawyer says, "What
for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign"
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." Deputy says, "You
still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration,
please." Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" Deputy says, "The
difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License and registration, please!" Lawyer says, "If you can show me
the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my
license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let
me go and don't give me the ticket."

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating
the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop or just slow down?"

awesome!!! :rofl:

[LilRedCorvette]

Cute Girl at the Gym Video (http://www.break.com/cute-girls/cute-girl-at-the-gym.html)

YouTube - Alizée HD - J'en Ai Marre On Tubes - WOW World Of Warcraft Night Elf Female Dance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfs0HO5eXW0)

:skep: Somehow I think this will be more entertaining for the guys on this forum...

[jeff w]

Confuscious say: Baseball wrong. Man with four balls can not walk.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who jizz into cash register come into money.

[carlton_fritz]

:skep: Somehow I think this will be more entertaining for the guys on this forum...
What about the video I posted?:toetap:

[wwomanC6]

Your Gonna Smile

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?

They Take The Psycho Path

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It (I love that one!)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

Dam!

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

Polaroid's

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho
Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quattro Sinko.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk.

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a
Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And
Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea
Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him. (sick)

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers .

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a
Bad Skydiver?

A Bad
Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! (Sneaks :rofl:) jk :D

A Bad
Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .

22. How Are a Texas
Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce
The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer


Now, admit it. At least one of
these made you smile :D

Hope you feel better soon Laurie!

[JRD77VET]

YouTube - Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna Original

[wwomanC6]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

[LilRedCorvette]

YouTube - Muppet Show - Mahna Mahna Original (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA90IlymdZ4)

:lolsmile: I loved that show :lol:

[wwomanC6]

Gotta love little boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a
box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter.


The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how
old are you?"


"Eight," the boy replied.


The man continued, "Do you know how these are
used?"


The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for
me. They are for him. He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on
TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
He can't do either one.

[LilRedCorvette]

Wendy with the jokes :lolsmile: :lolsmile: :lolsmile:

:rep:

[Cybercowboy]

Two 70-year-old guys were out golfing. One of them hit yet another ball into the deep rough. Working his way through briers and small trees, Bob found his ball sitting on a lily pad next to a frog. While reaching for his ball, the the frog suddenly started to speak:

"If you rub my back three times I will bestow upon you any a gift of any sexual desire you wish until the next full moon."

Bob puts the frog into his golf bag. About a month later the frog is screaming "Hey! What's the deal?"

Bob says "Eh, at my age, I'm just sticking with the talking frog."

(this is a joke I've heard a few times and this is how I'm telling it tonight...)

[Aerovette]

YouTube - Chocolate Ice Cream

[Kerrmudgeon]

I always remember this Muppets skit.......
YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio

[Sneaks]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay


3:00 in the morning, and I'm bored. :D

[Sea Six]

I always remember this Muppets skit.......
YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qxWGr8VhzQ)

:lolsmile:

That gets me every time. :D

[Scissors]

http://www.runswithscissors.info/images/babyenzo.jpg

[jeff w]

A father and son were walking out of a pharmacy when they passed the condom rack. "What's this for dad?" the son asks pointing at a 3 pack of condoms. "Well son, that is for the single man. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." The son then points to a 6 pack and asks the same question. "That is for the college man. Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday." Lastly the son points to the 12 pack of condoms and asks his dad the same question. "Son, that is for the married man. One for January, one for February, one for March........."

[jaxgator]

YouTube - Animusic - Pipe Dreams

[LilRedCorvette]

I always remember this Muppets skit.......
YouTube - Classic Sesame Street - Yip Yip aliens discover a radio (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qxWGr8VhzQ)

http://www.runswithscissors.info/images/babyenzo.jpg

:lolsmile: :lolsmile: :lolsmile:

[LilRedCorvette]

I gotta say, VBOT does NOT disappoint! :rofl: :grouphug:

[thkauffman]

YouTube - Animusic - Pipe Dreams (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QStm3ZyzgY0)

I love the Animusic stuff. I might have a DVD sitting around somewhere with that stuff.

[Truck Guy]

A couple thousand or so years ago, a crowd was dragging a woman to the town center to stone her to death for committing a crime.
Just as the angry mob was about to start with the stoning, Jesus Christ appeared.

Jesus said, "He who hath not ever sinned, should cast thy first stone!"

Well, the crowd starts to grumble and moan, they start dropping their rocks and stones and walk away.

Just then, a tiny ancient little old woman with a huge boulder held over her head shuffles up to the woman and crushes her with the boulder.

Jesus looks at the woman and says, "You know Mom. Sometimes you really piss me off!"

:D

<TG ducks the bolt of lightning that passes over his head...>

[73sbVert]

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

AWESOME!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:


Mary walks into the church and goes to her priest, Father O'Malley.

Mary: "Father, me husband Seamus passed away last night."

Father O'Malley: "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he have any last words?"

Mary: "Why yes Father, he did. He said 'Mary, put down the gun' "


:leaving:

[Mirroredshades]

Mary walks into the church and goes to her priest, Father O'Malley.

Mary: "Father, me husband Seamus passed away last night."

Father O'Malley: "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he have any last words?"

Mary: "Why yes Father, he did. He said 'Mary, put down the gun' "


:leaving:



:lolsmile:

[BADRACR1]

Ah, Butt Bark. You know, those stubborn pieces of poo that cling to the hairs and refuse let go. While the rocking maneuver and pinch technique are favored stratesgies for dealing w/Butt Bark, if an additional wipe is warranted, it is best to wipe in a front-to-back fashion to generate the greatest degree of sheer force and avoid genital area contamination. :D

Synonyms: Grundle Weeds, Cling Ons, The Lone Ranger, Crap Crumbs & Hanging Chads. :lolsmile:

What I hate is the turdles. You know, the little puddles of water from the turd that forms on your ass when the turd plops in the water and makes ploplets? You know, ploplets, little drops of water from the splurd? You know, splurd, splashing turds? Chaps my ass. Well, it won't if you wipe good. :dance:

[BADRACR1]

A couple thousand or so years ago, a crowd was dragging a woman to the town center to stone her to death for committing a crime.
Just as the angry mob was about to start with the stoning, Jesus Christ appeared.

Jesus said, "He who hath not ever sinned, should cast thy first stone!"

Well, the crowd starts to grumble and moan, they start dropping their rocks and stones and walk away.

Just then, a tiny ancient little old woman with a huge boulder held over her head shuffles up to the woman and crushes her with the boulder.

Jesus looks at the woman and says, "You know Mom. Sometimes you really piss me off!"

:D

<TG ducks the bolt of lightning that passes over his head...>

That's funnier than hell, right there!! Kudos, sir!

[PLRX]

:kick:What are you trying to do make Laurie throw up? You should be permabanned not only from this forum but the planet.

:violin:

[BADRACR1]

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

My mom is 5'4", 130lbs. Before reduction she wore a 34GG. She had a little over six pounds removed. No joke!!

[DAB]

Duck walks into a bar asks for grapes.

Barkeep tells him he has no grapes, duck leaves.

This repeats 3 more times.

Duck walks back into bar, barkeep eyes him and says "if you ask for grapes I'll nail your little webbed feet to the floor, now what do you want?"

Duck asks "got any nails?"

Barkeep is dumbfounded and says "no, I don't have any nails"

Duck says "good, got any grapes"?

[wwomanC6]

Don't think anyone has posted this one.

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."


How ya doing LilRed?

[carlton_fritz]

How is the OP doing?

[LilRedCorvette]

How ya doing LilRed?

How is the OP doing?

Still sick, but a bit better. It takes me so long to get over stuff...weak immune system, but still fighting the good fight. :) Thanks for asking and for the great jokes...it's making me :lol:

[themonk]

Sorry to hear that Red, I hope you start feeling better soon. :cheers:

[Cybercowboy]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

:D

No, the world's shortest joke is this:

A dyslexic walks into a bra...

['77Babe]

Well, this thread has certainly made my day end better than it started. :above:

[carlton_fritz]

Still sick, but a bit better. It takes me so long to get over stuff...weak immune system, but still fighting the good fight. :) Thanks for asking and for the great jokes...it's making me :lol:
Do you get many antioxidants?

[BAT]

World's Shortest Joke:

Guy walks in to a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap as underwear.

The Psychiatrist says, "I can clearly see your nuts!"

:D

that made me :lol: and reminded me of this one...



A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bar tender says, "excuse me, but do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" to which the pirate replies...

"Aye, its driving me nuts"



:leaving:

[LilRedCorvette]

Do you get many antioxidants?

Plenty. I just have a very bad immune system.

No big deal, it is what it is, can't be changed, so I just keep plugging away...

:cheers:

[xXBUDXx]

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

They forgot the German bra.
Holtzemfromfloppen

I'm going to need pics. :toetap: Two of each size, please. :waiting:

[NB2K]

My mom is 5'4", 130lbs. Before reduction she wore a 34GG. She had a little over six pounds removed. No joke!!

You know, I'm just stuck...

[F40]

My mom is 5'4", 130lbs. Before reduction she wore a 34GG. She had a little over six pounds removed. No joke!!

This is pure B.S. and you know it.Have any before and after pix to prove this?

[JRD77VET]

that made me :lol: and reminded me of this one...



A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. The bar tender says, "excuse me, but do you know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?" to which the pirate replies...

"Aye, its driving me nuts"



:leaving:

Post 61 of this thread, it was the joke I posted :slap:
http://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/off-topic/6814-get-here-entertain-my-ass-will-ya-4.html#post106269


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/funnies/wakes_up.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/funnies/family-planning-advice.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v78/JRD77VET/funnies/sit2p.jpg

[BADRACR1]

This is pure B.S. and you know it.Have any before and after pix to prove this?

No TLH pics of my mom. She's 67 now. Surgery was done in late 70's. Insurance covered it because she was having back problems. She had to have her bras custon made.
Her mom was also blessed, and my daughter is too. Couple of nieces as well. Runs in the family.
Read up on reduction surgery and you'll see it's not that uncommon for five or more pounds to be removed. You can believe me or not. Makes no diff to me.