It's better in the South

[DukeAllen]

Florida

> A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
> "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
> Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
> Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.."
> The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
> "Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia

> The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
> He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much wouldya take off?"
> The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but mah earrings."

Louisiana

> A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ."
> When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi

> The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
> Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
> The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina

> A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
> The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
> The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
> The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee

> A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
> The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas

> The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
> "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'


Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.

[8Up]

See'n how you didnt have one for my state, Ill volunteer to put one up.

A country bumpkin family from South Carolina decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered. While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes. The South Carolina redneck family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again. The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!"

[Dan Dlabay]

Texas

> The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
> "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'


True story. Back in the 70's I knew a guy who was know for doing crazy stunts. One time he got caught for dumping a load of trash on the side of the street. He asked a number of us to go to court with him. We knew he was up to something. At court he was called to the bench and the charge was read Littering. The judge asked him if he did it and he said yes your honor. The judge then asked him if he saw the sign that said Fine for dumping. He said yes and the judge asked him why he did it. He said the sign said Fine for dumping and it looked fine to me. The people started laughing and even the judge smiled. The judge threw the case out and several days later the sign said $250 fine for dumping.:cert:

[DukeAllen]

So he's the guy that causes them to put all those ridiculous warning labels in everything. Like "Caution, fire burns. Do not put lit end of cigarette in mouth" :funny: