True Story - Gozar and 125 of his new friends

[Gozar]

This occurred on a Southwest flight from Denver to Baltimore approximately 3 weeks ago.

I have a high threshold before I embarrass myself. I fully exceeded it this time and even reached Mortified Level 99.

I am sitting in an aisle seat about row 20. Next to me is my financial counterpart and next to him is one of our project managers. We were on our way to meet with a vendor we were struggling with on one of our projects.

Now those of you who fly already know that during climb out the plane pressurizes the cabin until it hits an atmospheric pressure relative to 8000' ASL. Simple experiment is a bottle of water or a sealed bag of chips. Both will expand greatly once the cabin pressurizes. Well, air in your intestines will also expand. We all know what that leads to.

So there I sit. Knowing I have to fart in a big way but I have no idea the nature of what dwells inside me. Could be innocent, could be the spawn of hell.

I let out a small test using amazing control that I am still proud of. I then wait and see what evil may come. Nothing... angel fart. Completely benign.

Ok, release the rest of this gas creating abdominal pain. It's safe I am sure of. Oh no.... it hits me. Satan himself could not have spawned something so horrific. I couldn't believe it myself. This made my toes curl, my stomach turn and I was positive I would never have to shave again. Ever.

Within 3 seconds my two seat partners both turn their heads toward me with a look of horror that I have not seen before. "Oh no you didn't.." were the words spoken. I bowed my head in shame (with a slight grin) and nodded in acknowledgment.

You would think that's were this story ends. I gassed a couple of colleagues and it was awful. Har, ha, har. No, it got worse. Not only did the smell worsen but it also seemed to thicken. It was not going away. This was no hit and run. It was something that could have been easily weaponized and started spreading through the cabin like an invisible black cloud of death.

Heads started turning around and the gentlemen across the isle from me pulled his jacket over his head and placed it on the tray table trying to escape. It was a futile effort. You could actually tell the cloud's movement as it crept through the cabin by the people mumbling and looking around. I am sure some of them were positive that somebody had shit themselves. Now this seemed like it lasted forever but in reality only about four minutes went by. This I assure you was the longest four minutes of their lives.

I lowered my head in shame (it also was used to mask my sophomoric giggling) and waited for this to end. As I deplaned about 3 hours later people were talking about this assault on their senses walking down the jetway. It left an impression they will not soon forget.

Yes, Gozar lives up to his reputation. At least that day. :barnbabe:


:gozar:

[C5SilverBullet]

Those poor poor souls...

[MrPeabody]

Look on the bright side. You get to be the only guy on the elevator whenever you choose.

[DAB]

Somedays, I'm thankful I have no sense of smell. I am immune to your assaults.

Farts on a plane. You thought snakes were bad!!

[Skia]

OMG I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[DAB]

OMG I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I bet everyone on the plane would have preferred to read about it instead.

[DukeAllen]

My wife did that in the car today. Had me thinking my son crapped his pants until I heard her giggling. At least I could open the window. Try doing that on a plane :leaving:

[Torqaholic]

Not your fault. It's the lack of barometric pressure causes it.

Travelling West across country in a car loaded with a family of 6 we finally got to the Rocky Mountains. Right after my ears popped I started outgassing like an open well head. It wasn't warm up there but we were hauling ass down the highway with all the windows down. Strange that I was the only one laughing.

[NCC-1701]

That was funny....:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[lspencer534]

Why do I read these threads? I knew what was coming, but I read it anyway. I could actually smell that fart and feel mysef getting ill. :banghead:

[Millenium Vette]

Is this what ya'll mean by details? Very well written first-ass account. If George Carlin did his act like the Penthouse Forum reads, it would be this.

:rofl:

[StaticCling]

Don't feel bad. It's FUN! :D

As a fella that flies daily for a living, farting in the confined area that I work in is one of the only things that makes me happy! LOL.

I cut loose a few weeks ago and it REEKED. I was pleased that my coworkers were gasping for air in my stink...afterall, I put up with their stinky, shitty farts, bad breath and BO all the time. :seasix:

It's a Badge of Honor my friend, a Badge of Honor. :D

[OddBall]

Terrorist!

[NEED-A-VETTE]

Why do I read these threads? I knew what was coming, but I read it anyway. I could actually smell that fart and feel mysef getting ill. :banghead:

I dry heaved a few times.

[Gozar]

I know some of you may think I was exaggerating. I can assure you that I was not. I had one of my victims read this and he stated, "No words will ever properly convey what we experienced that day. It is simply impossible."

It is now simply referenced by them as "the fart". :lol:

[snide]

:funnier::funnier::funnier:

[Datawiz]

:lol:

[DAB]

I know some of you may think I was exaggerating. I can assure you that I was not. I had one of my victims read this and he stated, "No words will ever properly convey what we experienced that day. It is simply impossible."

It is now simply referenced by them as "The Fart". :lol:

Fixt

You should get cards made: "it was me"

[Fastguy]

You need to see a doctor, or stop eating chili.

[bsmith]

Obama is going to strike your ass...with or without approval.



It is now simply referenced by them as "the fart". :lol:

My brother is/was so bad that we started naming his.
He was too prolific for something as vague as 'the fart"

Some classics were the "Christmas tree fart" "the wedding fart" and the "hunting fart".

[Gozar]

Obama is going to strike your ass...with or without approval.




My brother is/was so bad that we started naming his.
He was too prolific for something as vague as 'the fart"

Some classics were the "Christmas tree fart" "the wedding fart" and the "hunting fart".

:rofl:

[Aerovette]

I imagine people were praying for a "sudden drop in cabin pressure" just so the oxygen masks would drop.

[Torqaholic]

...the "hunting fart".

Reminds me of riding with my dad on the way to a hunt at 5 in the morning except he just called them "bucksnorts".

[Admiral Blue]

:rofl:


Everyone is concerned about the people...what about that poor, innocent seat? It will never be the same.

[Kevin_73]

:rofl:


Everyone is concerned about the people...what about that poor, innocent seat? It will never be the same.

The seat can be removed and incinerated. Those poor people will have to live with the memory (and the scars) of that fart for the rest of their miserable lives. :sadangel:

[87 Ragtop]

Even after working the 17 hour day I just did between both jobs I cracked up.... Glad I was not on that plane.. :lol:

[island14]

OMG I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


:iagree:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Now my wife thinks I have lost my mind in here laughing all by myself...

[island14]

:rofl:


Everyone is concerned about the people...what about that poor, innocent seat? It will never be the same.


Prolly peeled the paint off the ceiling also... :rofl:




Well written story GOZAR!!!! :seasix:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[island14]

Terrorist!


Syrian Gas Attack!!!! :rofl:

[bsmith]

Reminds me of riding with my dad on the way to a hunt at 5 in the morning except he just called them "bucksnorts".

Thankfully, I was not there for that one.
It was actually named after the small town that they were passing through...but I can't remember what it was.

[Kerrmudgeon]

And just what did you consume the night before to create that nuclear waste? :gozar:

[Ryan Bell]

Well, that was pretty much awesome. :rofl:

[LilRedCorvette]

True Story - Gozar and 125 of his new friends

Somehow I don't think those 125 passengers would call you a friend. :lol:

[simpleman68]

It is now simply referenced by them as "the fart". :lol:

:funnier: :funnier: :funnier:

Yeah, you know it was an epic gassing based on this fact alone.
When a floating air biscuit commands its own naming convention, it was
one for the record books.
Scott

[Gozar]

And just what did you consume the night before to create that nuclear waste? :gozar:

I have NO idea and trust me that I thought long and hard about what I did to create such an abomination. To replicate it would have actually made me interested in walking through shopping malls and performing crop dusts and then film the reactions of the people caught in the wake. :yesnod:

[DukeAllen]

To replicate it would have actually made me interested in walking through shopping malls and performing crop dusts. :yesnod:

I love doing that. Good times :D

[69camfrk]

That's funny right there, I don't care who you are!!:rofl:

[CubSmurf]

I laughed heartily reading this. Thanks!

And those people deserve it for knowingly getting on a plane with the Almighty Gozar.

[Joecooool]

My fart story happened at game 7 of the 1997 World Series. I pigged out on chili dogs and beer in the early innings, and started letting them slip around the eighth inning. And they were getting worse.

I farted a pitch before Craig Council scored the winning run. While he was running the bases with the Marlins seconds away from winning their first World Series and the crowd going wild, a woman four rows in front of us turned around and yelled "Jesus Christ, will you assholes stop shitting your pants!".

[Gozar]

My fart story happened at game 7 of the 1997 World Series. I pigged out on chili dogs and beer in the early innings, and started letting them slip around the eighth inning. And they were getting worse.

I farted a pitch before Craig Council scored the winning run. While he was running the bases with the Marlins seconds away from winning their first World Series and the crowd going wild, a woman four rows in front of us turned around and yelled "Jesus Christ, will you assholes stop shitting your pants!".

Open air four row reach? Impressive! :rofl:

[bsmith]

Open air four row reach? Impressive! :rofl:

I remember a guy that could clear the outdoor basketball courts.
He'd shit himself, and play would stop on both courts while it drifted away.

[Zidane]

The guy in the office next to me probably thinks I'm crying because I'm laughing so hard. Hilarious!

[Gozar]

Funny update...

The Project Manager I mentioned in the original post was in my office and we were on a conference call with the same vendor we were flying to visit when "The Fart" happened. Their President suggested we fly back out to PA to meet with them again.

My PM quickly hit mute on the phone looked me straight in the eye and said, "NO F*CKING WAY!"

Over a year later and I instantly knew exactly what he was protesting over.

I started laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. :rofl:

[DukeAllen]

I started laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. :rofl:

That was me just now re-reading this classic :funniest:

[73sbVert]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

OMG! Haven't laughed that hard in a while! Thanks for the story, and the wonderful telling!

:cheers:

[Cybercowboy]

Funny update...

The Project Manager I mentioned in the original post was in my office and we were on a conference call with the same vendor we were flying to visit when "The Fart" happened. Their President suggested we fly back out to PA to meet with them again.

My PM quickly hit mute on the phone looked me straight in the eye and said, "NO F*CKING WAY!"

Over a year later and I instantly knew exactly what he was protesting over.

I started laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face. :rofl:

It's Southwest. It's not like he doesn't have the option of sitting far far away from you. Even the mightiest of farts can't clear out an entire 737 cabin.

[DaveK88]

Farts are Funny

:cert:

Keep Up The Good Work

[CertInsaneC5]

It's Southwest. It's not like he doesn't have the option of sitting far far away from you. Even the mightiest of farts can't clear out an entire 737 cabin.

Ummm. You underestimate the Gozar. :leaving:

[MikeB]

Why do I read these threads? I knew what was coming, but I read it anyway. I could actually smell that fart and feel mysef getting ill. :banghead:

And it ain't funny.
Until the next day.

Trus story, last week friday, 5 minutes before quitting time.
Our Buyer, Al, a 5'8" 500 lb behemouth, came into the engineering office
with a question on a component manufacturer (alternate sourcing question).

Now, there are 5 of us in a small office, approximatelt 12 x 24. 3 men, two women.
Anyway, Al's asking me about this part, and all of a sudden I smell sulfer. 5 seconds later, sulfer is getting pretty bad. Another 5 seconds, Sam (female) across from me starts gagging. It now smells like raw diarhea. Laura, who sits behind Sam, is coughing. Al just stands there like nothing happened. Ken, behind me, is silent. Brad, in front of Sam across the isle, just gets up and says "I'm leaving, have a nice weekend". I gave Al the "looks could kill" stare, said "really?", got up, and walked out of the office. I damn near asphixiated in there.

This whole past week has been nothing but jokes about Al in the office.
But, it was not pleasent.
Oh, btw, I figured out what crawled up Al's ass and died.
It was that little dweeb ass-licker shipping clerk. (One of the many jokes this past week)
Please excuse the spelling errors if I made any, I ain't correcting them.
I'm laughing to myself just think back on it.

[MrPeabody]

Farts are like The Three stooges. Only men think they are funny.:yesnod:

[VatorMan]

Be glad you can't open the doors on a plane in flight.:lol: