lspencer534
06-30-2013, 2:51pm
In this age of on-line forums, internet porn, texting, and drinking, it's hard to stay abreast of important news. I will keep you up-to-date.
Around the Nation:
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump, the multi-billionaire who prides himself as being known as The Birther Baron, has just stated that he wants to see Paula Deen's birth certificate.
Washington, DC-- NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden has thought of the perfect way to hide his whereabouts from the US government. The bespectacled 30 year-old man is now an attractive young woman, courtesy of a quick sex-change operation in Hong Kong. He/She is now hiding in plain sight in Washington DC.
"I plan to get my old job back at the NSA." said Edna. "The people who work their are evil, but thankfully, they aren't the brightest people in the world." said the sultry brunette.
Washington, USA (IP) - George W. Bush has spotted Dick Cheney looking under Laura's desk. Asked if he saw anything interesting under there Dick Cheney replied that nothing seemed fishy but that he had more in common with Laura than he first thought because it was now obvious to him that both he and Laura shared a passion for shooting beavers.
Washingon, USA - After being faced with numerous cases involving pornography, the U.S. Supreme Court has set the legal definition of porn as "anything written or published that causes an average or reasonable penis to engorge with blood".
"We were recently faced with an internet porn distributor who was trying to pass his porn off as art", said Chief Justice John Roberts. "The only way to judge the merits of the case was to retire to our separate chambers and review the evidence overnight as it was presented to us. The vast majority of the Justices agreed that the material presented to us was purely for titillation, masturbation and sexual release. It had no artistic or cultural value. Therefore, we had to put the man in prison for 20 years".
A reporter pointed to a stain on the front of Justice Roberts robe. Roberts claimed he spilled some ice cream.
Around the World:
London - Queen Elizabeth is apparently not pleased with che choices of Willam and Kate for baby names. According to a Buckingham Palace spokesperson, "The Queen rightfully does not consider the names "Bubba' and 'Lulu' to sound Royal."
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong Un AKA Butterball Boy, arrogant as ever has announced that he launched three missiles from a launching pad in Pyongyang.
Chung Duck Ho, the spokesman for North Korea's Rice Paddy Whack National News Agency said that the missile launches were a tremendous success.
Reporter Kelty Tillicoultry of Scotland said that all three missiles landed in a rice paddy half a mile from the launch site and laid there like beached barracudas.
Miss Tillicoultry pointed out that an inside source who spoke on grounds of 110 percent anonymity stated that the trio of missiles were all of the Fisher-Price variety.
And that's the way it is today, June 30, 2013! Good luck!
Around the Nation:
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump, the multi-billionaire who prides himself as being known as The Birther Baron, has just stated that he wants to see Paula Deen's birth certificate.
Washington, DC-- NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden has thought of the perfect way to hide his whereabouts from the US government. The bespectacled 30 year-old man is now an attractive young woman, courtesy of a quick sex-change operation in Hong Kong. He/She is now hiding in plain sight in Washington DC.
"I plan to get my old job back at the NSA." said Edna. "The people who work their are evil, but thankfully, they aren't the brightest people in the world." said the sultry brunette.
Washington, USA (IP) - George W. Bush has spotted Dick Cheney looking under Laura's desk. Asked if he saw anything interesting under there Dick Cheney replied that nothing seemed fishy but that he had more in common with Laura than he first thought because it was now obvious to him that both he and Laura shared a passion for shooting beavers.
Washingon, USA - After being faced with numerous cases involving pornography, the U.S. Supreme Court has set the legal definition of porn as "anything written or published that causes an average or reasonable penis to engorge with blood".
"We were recently faced with an internet porn distributor who was trying to pass his porn off as art", said Chief Justice John Roberts. "The only way to judge the merits of the case was to retire to our separate chambers and review the evidence overnight as it was presented to us. The vast majority of the Justices agreed that the material presented to us was purely for titillation, masturbation and sexual release. It had no artistic or cultural value. Therefore, we had to put the man in prison for 20 years".
A reporter pointed to a stain on the front of Justice Roberts robe. Roberts claimed he spilled some ice cream.
Around the World:
London - Queen Elizabeth is apparently not pleased with che choices of Willam and Kate for baby names. According to a Buckingham Palace spokesperson, "The Queen rightfully does not consider the names "Bubba' and 'Lulu' to sound Royal."
PYONGYANG, North Korea - North Korean leader Kim Jong Un AKA Butterball Boy, arrogant as ever has announced that he launched three missiles from a launching pad in Pyongyang.
Chung Duck Ho, the spokesman for North Korea's Rice Paddy Whack National News Agency said that the missile launches were a tremendous success.
Reporter Kelty Tillicoultry of Scotland said that all three missiles landed in a rice paddy half a mile from the launch site and laid there like beached barracudas.
Miss Tillicoultry pointed out that an inside source who spoke on grounds of 110 percent anonymity stated that the trio of missiles were all of the Fisher-Price variety.
And that's the way it is today, June 30, 2013! Good luck!