onedef92
04-27-2013, 9:00am
http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m111/onedef92/Family%20and%20Friends/1995first_zpsda8bd354.png
Our first date Nov. 25, 1994
http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m111/onedef92/Family%20and%20Friends/Anniv4-27-13_zpsc01307da.jpg
Our wedding pic, April 27, 1996.
Today, Theresa and I celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary.
Now, I’m pretty sentimental about a lot of things, but anniversaries aren’t typically one of them. Ours are usually simple occasions: maybe a card and a nice dinner out and a few jokes about buying matching walkers.
Somehow, this year felt different...
This year, I felt like we had scaled something. Like we had survived something. Like we had accomplished something. This year wasn’t just another 365 days gone by and "isn’t that nice," it was a year to be grateful. A year to be proud.
This was the year my son gained the confidence to accompany his smile. The year we opened our hearts (and basement) to bring Super Brucey, our very busy Boxer, into our home. The year my daughter grew stronger as she charts through Darkest Adolesence. The year we "cleaned house" in many more ways than one. Did I say we brought Brucey into our home?
So, in honor of our 17th year, I humbly offer six things I’ve learned so far about marriage (and junk). *ahem*
1. A strong marriage is built of tiny actions.
"It’s the little things." Such a cliche! Such bad sentence construction! Yet, such truth.
Every time you discuss instead of demand, you strengthen your marriage. Same goes for speaking with respect instead of sarcasm, and listening instead of dismissing, and engaging instead of eye-rolling. :spdchk:
Each action is like a brick. You choose whether to use it to build a foundation or a wall. :banghead:
2. But don’t forget the grand gesture. :seasix:
Buying flowers or surprising your spouse with a vacation, a Kindle Fire WI-Fi HD, or a day off from dishwashing won’t make your marriage. But it will cause your partner to snap out of the day-to-day routine and take notice. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get the ball rolling in a very pleasant direction.
3. Never underestimate the importance of a good laugh. :rofl:
Sometimes life as a grownup can be hard, boring, and downright drudgery. Another cliche fits here: "If I didn’t laugh, I’d probably cry." So laugh. A lot.
What do you both find funny? Comedies? Chris Tucker? Silly t-shirts? Private jokes? Cheesy B-list horror movies? Screaming goats? Write a "funny" list, then commit yourself to experiencing at least one of these things together weekly.
4. All good marriages have a supporting cast. :grouphug:
There’s an odd fallacy about marriage (middle-class, American marriage, perhaps) that it should somehow stand on its own. If two people love each other, have shared values, a little chemistry, a decent job, maybe a kid or two…that they should be able to figure it out. That a good marriage can withstand life’s slings and arrows, if not unscathed, then at least intact.
Guess what? Life’s a lot bigger than two people. Sooner or later, a sneaker wave will knock you down, and you’ll need a hand to find your balance again. Perhaps it will be something small, like a messy house or a bad habit. Or something big: job loss, a health crisis. It may be something good: starting a new business, or winning the lottery. Or something bad: a death in the family, or an affair.
Whatever it is, there are people who can help.
Everyone’s supporting cast looks different. Some include a housecleaner or a babysitter. Others include a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist. Some need a financial advisor. Some just need their extended family or their friends. But like my Dad used to say, "everybody needs somebody."
5. Treat your spouse as you hope your children will treat theirs. :kingpin:
Little eyes are watching. Little ears are listening. And little minds and hearts are learning about partnership and marriage from your example.
I say this not to promote guilt, paranoia or dishonesty. The worst thing we could do is to project a facade of shiny perfection to our kids. They’re smarter than that, and such playacting hurts and confuses them.
But it’s worth remembering that kids really do follow our lead, and we owe it to them to be mindful about what we’re teaching. And we owe it to ourselves to dig deep for the good stuff. We’re worth it.
6. Never underestimate the power of a praying spouse. :angel:
"The family that prays together, stays together." That old adage it seems is more accurate than we realized. Multiple U.S. surveys reveal although the divorce rate for Christians is about the same as those outside the church, Christian couples who pray together have a divorce rate of less than one percent!
In fact, it is the most reliable factor for predicting long-term marital satisfaction. Praying together has a real and dramatic effect in creating oneness and intimacy in marriage. In fact, prayer breeds intimacy.
Theresa and I now regard our lovemaking as a form of spiritual warfare against the enemy. My children see us praying for them 6-7 days out of the week. I can't tell you what satisfaction I take from knowing I'm undergirding their lives with the foundation they need to cope in this crazy, unpredictable world.
No, committed marital life isn't perfect. Neither are we. But I know the gift of lifelong partnership God gave me through marriage is in my best destiny and I don't regret the decision I made 17 years ago in that tiny chapel in Macon, Ga.
Theresa Michelle Shipp, I love you. Happy Anniversary, babe! http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae71/donselmo/Smiley/love.gif
Our first date Nov. 25, 1994
http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m111/onedef92/Family%20and%20Friends/Anniv4-27-13_zpsc01307da.jpg
Our wedding pic, April 27, 1996.
Today, Theresa and I celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary.
Now, I’m pretty sentimental about a lot of things, but anniversaries aren’t typically one of them. Ours are usually simple occasions: maybe a card and a nice dinner out and a few jokes about buying matching walkers.
Somehow, this year felt different...
This year, I felt like we had scaled something. Like we had survived something. Like we had accomplished something. This year wasn’t just another 365 days gone by and "isn’t that nice," it was a year to be grateful. A year to be proud.
This was the year my son gained the confidence to accompany his smile. The year we opened our hearts (and basement) to bring Super Brucey, our very busy Boxer, into our home. The year my daughter grew stronger as she charts through Darkest Adolesence. The year we "cleaned house" in many more ways than one. Did I say we brought Brucey into our home?
So, in honor of our 17th year, I humbly offer six things I’ve learned so far about marriage (and junk). *ahem*
1. A strong marriage is built of tiny actions.
"It’s the little things." Such a cliche! Such bad sentence construction! Yet, such truth.
Every time you discuss instead of demand, you strengthen your marriage. Same goes for speaking with respect instead of sarcasm, and listening instead of dismissing, and engaging instead of eye-rolling. :spdchk:
Each action is like a brick. You choose whether to use it to build a foundation or a wall. :banghead:
2. But don’t forget the grand gesture. :seasix:
Buying flowers or surprising your spouse with a vacation, a Kindle Fire WI-Fi HD, or a day off from dishwashing won’t make your marriage. But it will cause your partner to snap out of the day-to-day routine and take notice. Sometimes that’s all it takes to get the ball rolling in a very pleasant direction.
3. Never underestimate the importance of a good laugh. :rofl:
Sometimes life as a grownup can be hard, boring, and downright drudgery. Another cliche fits here: "If I didn’t laugh, I’d probably cry." So laugh. A lot.
What do you both find funny? Comedies? Chris Tucker? Silly t-shirts? Private jokes? Cheesy B-list horror movies? Screaming goats? Write a "funny" list, then commit yourself to experiencing at least one of these things together weekly.
4. All good marriages have a supporting cast. :grouphug:
There’s an odd fallacy about marriage (middle-class, American marriage, perhaps) that it should somehow stand on its own. If two people love each other, have shared values, a little chemistry, a decent job, maybe a kid or two…that they should be able to figure it out. That a good marriage can withstand life’s slings and arrows, if not unscathed, then at least intact.
Guess what? Life’s a lot bigger than two people. Sooner or later, a sneaker wave will knock you down, and you’ll need a hand to find your balance again. Perhaps it will be something small, like a messy house or a bad habit. Or something big: job loss, a health crisis. It may be something good: starting a new business, or winning the lottery. Or something bad: a death in the family, or an affair.
Whatever it is, there are people who can help.
Everyone’s supporting cast looks different. Some include a housecleaner or a babysitter. Others include a marriage counselor or a psychiatrist. Some need a financial advisor. Some just need their extended family or their friends. But like my Dad used to say, "everybody needs somebody."
5. Treat your spouse as you hope your children will treat theirs. :kingpin:
Little eyes are watching. Little ears are listening. And little minds and hearts are learning about partnership and marriage from your example.
I say this not to promote guilt, paranoia or dishonesty. The worst thing we could do is to project a facade of shiny perfection to our kids. They’re smarter than that, and such playacting hurts and confuses them.
But it’s worth remembering that kids really do follow our lead, and we owe it to them to be mindful about what we’re teaching. And we owe it to ourselves to dig deep for the good stuff. We’re worth it.
6. Never underestimate the power of a praying spouse. :angel:
"The family that prays together, stays together." That old adage it seems is more accurate than we realized. Multiple U.S. surveys reveal although the divorce rate for Christians is about the same as those outside the church, Christian couples who pray together have a divorce rate of less than one percent!
In fact, it is the most reliable factor for predicting long-term marital satisfaction. Praying together has a real and dramatic effect in creating oneness and intimacy in marriage. In fact, prayer breeds intimacy.
Theresa and I now regard our lovemaking as a form of spiritual warfare against the enemy. My children see us praying for them 6-7 days out of the week. I can't tell you what satisfaction I take from knowing I'm undergirding their lives with the foundation they need to cope in this crazy, unpredictable world.
No, committed marital life isn't perfect. Neither are we. But I know the gift of lifelong partnership God gave me through marriage is in my best destiny and I don't regret the decision I made 17 years ago in that tiny chapel in Macon, Ga.
Theresa Michelle Shipp, I love you. Happy Anniversary, babe! http://i959.photobucket.com/albums/ae71/donselmo/Smiley/love.gif