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lspencer534
12-16-2012, 1:25pm
Let's talk cold turkey right now:

1. It's a myth.
2. Really, they don't exist.
3. Everyone who claims something else is lying.
4. They were invented by feminazis to make men feel inadequate and gain power over them.

Female orgasms don't exist. You, dear reader, might say: "But I've been told that they do!" or "But I've once seen this movie where..." but today, I have to tell you that everything you thought you knew, were lies. Simple as that.

And look who backs up my statements - It's Hugh Hefner, the founder of Playboy Magazine and father of at least 1500 illegitimate children. And if there is someone who must know then it's him.

I'll cite him from his blog: "The female orgasm? Why not just discuss other myths like the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus or a smart blonde."

These alleged types of female orgasms do not exist:

•The Urethra Orgasm

•The Vaginal Orgasm
1. The G-Spot Orgasm
2. The A-Spot Orgasm
3. The P-Spot Orgasm
4. The Cervix Orgasm

•The Anal Orgasm

•The Nipple/other erogenous zone Orgasm

•The Mental Orgasm

Always there are some exceptions to the rule and there actually are some ways for a woman to orgasm, which we'll examine right now.

The exceptions

1. The Stabwound Orgasm

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/myth.jpg

The stabwound orgasm is very widespread in the Doom Metal/Gloom Metal/Bloom Metal scene. It's a very dangerous way to climax because if it's executed by a drunk, i.e. an average Metal listener, it can end lives. At least those women who die from it could once experience the pleasure of orgasming. And honestly speaking, dying while cumming is one of the better ways to die.

2. The Childbirth Orgasm

Some women who have experienced this phenomenon described it similarly to Ruth Claire, the author of the its-so-fantastic-put-it-immediately-on-your-to-buy-list book "Mothering", who wrote the following heart-warming words about the childbirth orgasm:

"I had been told to expect a 'dogging pain,' but was unprepared for the sensation of sexual ecstasy, the voluptuous feeling of penetration....Crouched on my knees on the little afghan, I caught the infant who rushed from my vagina into the small world between my legs, in the midst of an extraordinary orgasm from the inside out."

Doesn't that sound fantastic?

And sick.

Apparently, women need a baby to show them how to orgasm properly, which makes all of them pedophiles.

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/myth2.jpg

3. The Deniers

There exist some women who deny the non-existence of the female orgasm.

They would be adequately compared to the reverse form of someone denying the Holocaust.

One prime example of such an abomination is 24-year old Sarah Carmen who claims to suffer from Permanent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS) and has to endure more than 200 orgasms per day:

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/myth3.jpg

First of all, that's a huge lie.

And secondly, this would only be possible if she was a man and even then this number would only be average and not really impressive.

Now you know.

Kerrmudgeon
12-16-2012, 1:29pm
Put the joint down councilor...:rasta:

island14
12-16-2012, 1:29pm
Fake orgasm..

Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh..........................






Ohhhh Larry..........................

:rofl:

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 1:31pm
Fake orgasm..

Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh..........................






Ohhhh Larry..........................

:rofl:

:lol:

island14
12-16-2012, 1:32pm
:lol:


:rofl:


:cert:

Barn Babe
12-16-2012, 1:37pm
Whatever helps you sleep at night.... :D

Mike Mercury
12-16-2012, 1:44pm
http://www.tim-yvonne.com/forum/tyson1.jpg

OddBall
12-16-2012, 1:47pm
Put the joint down councilor...:rasta:

:iagree:

BuckyThreadkiller
12-16-2012, 1:58pm
You're doing it wrong.

G8rDMD
12-16-2012, 2:08pm
I am terribly sorry that you are unable to satisfy your woman, sir. Or, should I feel more sorry for your woman :lol: :shots:

DAB
12-16-2012, 2:11pm
it appears that sane lawyers don't exist in Mississippi either. :rolleyes:

kingpin
12-16-2012, 2:20pm
You are definitely doing it wrong Larry.
Time to think about the ladies needs a bit more.

BTW: You must suck at teh sex!

:D

DAB
12-16-2012, 2:27pm
You are definitely doing it wrong Larry.
Time to think about the ladies needs a bit more.

BTW: You must suck at teh sex!

:D

his briefs probably get in the way. :dance::dance:

Blademaker
12-16-2012, 2:30pm
You're doing it wrong.


My motto:

"Ladies always come first..........repeatedly."

xXBUDXx
12-16-2012, 3:26pm
I wouldn't know. I am a virgin.

C5Nate
12-16-2012, 3:39pm
You're doing it wrong.

You're doing it wrong.


My motto:

"Ladies always come first..........repeatedly."



:iagree: except not always, sometimes together.


If a woman cant orgasm on top then she may have the issue.

I had one who would on occasion pass out, she would hit that spot, arch her back, freeze in the position and gone. Out for at least 10 or 15 seconds, scared the crap out of me the first time. Worst part was when she passed out, it was over for ahwile. Got blue balled a few times.

DJ_Critterus
12-16-2012, 3:46pm
Sounds like the OP has never been able to satisfy a slim.

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 4:31pm
Prayers sent for spence's wife. :sadangel:

Aflac
12-16-2012, 5:00pm
Prayers sent for spence's wife. :sadangel:


prayers in the form of batteries....:leaving:

DAB
12-16-2012, 5:05pm
prayers in the form of batteries....:leaving:

eh, 220, 221, whatever it takes....

DJ_Critterus
12-16-2012, 5:09pm
http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/demotivational-posters-g-spot.jpg&sa=X&ei=hUbOUIT7CI7uqAG5woD4DQ&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNEHOidigOkDXVZ2R4ygi2-S7ADpRg

snide
12-16-2012, 5:13pm
prayers in the form of batteries....:leaving:

So, Spence isn't the only one who can't get it done. :leaving:

Datawiz
12-16-2012, 5:17pm
You're doing it wrong.


My motto:

"Ladies always come first..........repeatedly."

This.

Aflac
12-16-2012, 5:36pm
So, Spence isn't the only one who can't get it done. :leaving:

was taught it was far better to give than recieve...

DJ_Critterus
12-16-2012, 5:39pm
was taught it was far better to give than recieve...

Especially when it comes to weenies :yesnod:

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 6:34pm
And this is all the thanks I get for minutes spent copying and pasting from funny sites??? An attack on my sexual acumen?

Just for that you have to identify this!:

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

DAB
12-16-2012, 6:44pm
And this is all the thanks I get for minutes spent copying and pasting from funny sites??? An attack on my sexual acumen?

Just for that you have to identify this!:

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

you know, your annoying quizzes didn't draw attention to your habits...

as for that? no idea.

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 6:55pm
you know, your annoying quizzes didn't draw attention to your habits...

as for that? no idea.

You failed the quiz..again....

Aflac
12-16-2012, 7:10pm
that's your personal ream and scream tool, isn't it?

Kerrmudgeon
12-16-2012, 7:17pm
http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

I'm guessing that it's a sick twisted male member piercing that stimulates the clitoris or G-spot that only a sick twisted lawyer would know about. :D
Looks painful. :yesnod:

BuckyThreadkiller
12-16-2012, 7:22pm
:iagree: except not always, sometimes together.

If a woman cant orgasm on top then she may have the issue.

I had one who would on occasion pass out, she would hit that spot, arch her back, freeze in the position and gone. Out for at least 10 or 15 seconds, scared the crap out of me the first time. Worst part was when she passed out, it was over for ahwile. Got blue balled a few times.

The French term is La Petite Mort - the little death.

DAB
12-16-2012, 7:23pm
You failed the quiz..again....

I already passed 2 exams today for my PE renewal.

I'm all tested out.

DJ_Critterus
12-16-2012, 7:30pm
And this is all the thanks I get for minutes spent copying and pasting from funny sites??? An attack on my sexual acumen?

Just for that you have to identify this!:

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

Is that your cawk ring?

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 7:43pm
http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

I'm guessing that it's a sick twisted male member piercing that stimulates the clitoris or G-spot that only a sick twisted lawyer would know about. :D
Looks painful. :yesnod:

Nope...to all comments.

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 7:44pm
that's your personal ream and scream tool, isn't it?

Nope. It's designed for a woman...although a man could use it with less than satisfactory results.

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 7:44pm
Is that your cawk ring?

Nope. Don't have one, don't want one.

Skia
12-16-2012, 7:52pm
Clitoral piercing jewelry.

xXBUDXx
12-16-2012, 7:59pm
http://www.google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/demotivational-posters-g-spot.jpg&sa=X&ei=hUbOUIT7CI7uqAG5woD4DQ&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNEHOidigOkDXVZ2R4ygi2-S7ADpRg

This store is located in Hiram, Georgia. :leaving:

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 7:59pm
And this is all the thanks I get for minutes spent copying and pasting from funny sites??? An attack on my sexual acumen?

Just for that you have to identify this!:

http://i702.photobucket.com/albums/ww22/lspencer534/her.jpg

Urethral plug.

Next.

Skia
12-16-2012, 8:02pm
Urethral plug.

Next.

Oh that looks painful then.....

DAB
12-16-2012, 8:04pm
Urethral plug.

Next.

No.

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 8:05pm
No.

Uhhhhhhh, yes.

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 8:13pm
Urethral plug.

Next.

Precisely, a urethral dilator. Care to explain how you know what it is? :yesnod:

Blademaker
12-16-2012, 8:15pm
Precisely, a urethral dilator. Care to explain how you know what it is? :yesnod:

Care to explain why you have one? :D

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 8:16pm
Care to explain why you have one? :D

Uh...I don't have one.

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 8:20pm
Precisely, a urethral dilator. Care to explain how you know what it is? :yesnod:

Sex toy shops. :island14:

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 8:24pm
Sex toy shops. :island14:

No!!! I'll bet you've never been into a sex toy shop....

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 8:29pm
No!!! I'll bet you've never been into a sex toy shop....

Ok. Sure. ;)

VITE1
12-16-2012, 8:42pm
I guess the few squirter's I knew were faking it.

DAB
12-16-2012, 8:42pm
Uhhhhhhh, yes.

No, as in not interested.

DJ_Critterus
12-16-2012, 8:42pm
I guess the few squirter's I knew were faking it.

Yep. You probably got a golden shower and didn't even know it.

lspencer534
12-16-2012, 8:46pm
I guess the few squirter's I knew were faking it.

That little "toy" goes a long way in helping a woman do that....

xXBUDXx
12-16-2012, 8:53pm
I'm going to need a female volunteer to show me how this works. :waiting:

kingpin
12-16-2012, 8:57pm
This thread is :rofl:

First thing my first gf taught me was how to give her different types of orgasms.
I will always be in debt to her for that.

xXBUDXx
12-16-2012, 9:00pm
This thread is :rofl:

First thing my first gf taught me was how to give her different types of orgasms.
I will always be in debt to her for that.

I don't have a girlfriend. :sadangel:

kingpin
12-16-2012, 9:02pm
I don't have a girlfriend. :sadangel:

Consider yourself lucky. :seasix:

BTW: It was my first gf, who was 21 and I was 16. :dance:

NEED-A-VETTE
12-16-2012, 9:53pm
No, as in not interested.

Oh, gotcha. :rofl: You meant: Pass. :funny: