Diary of a...

[lspencer534]

9-24-12

It's almost seven. It'll be dark then...almost dark, anyway...and I can go to bed. Bed: The only place that is dark...quiet...alone with just me, and...safe. No people...no worries...no demands...no...anything. I can lie down to sleep. Except that I never sleep. I can't remember the last time I've slept. Surely I do..because I go to work every day. Instead of sleeping I stare at the digital clock on the night stand...waiting for the minutes to change.

Last night I watched the clock from 8:00 until 4:00. I don't want the minutes to pass, because it means that eventually I'll have to leave the bed. After a few hours I can tell with precision when the next minute will change. Please...don't...change.... I begin to sweat when the minute is about to change...and I can't breathe. When the minute changes, I close my eyes and then wait for the next abominable minute to change.

At 4:00...precisely at 4:00...I drift into sleep...or maybe an exhaustion caused by the torment from watching the clock. Sometimes I don't think I'm really asleep because I can tell when it's 6:00. That's when I get out of bed...every day, without fail. The last few minutes before 6:00 are the hardest: 5:57...5:58...5:59...then....

I get up and go to the workshop to feed the cats. They're excited to see me and, of course, hungry. I don't care. I sit on my stool and smoke two cigarettes. The third I smoke on the toilet where I take a morning shit. I don't know why I have bowel movements...I eat only a few bites of lunch and dinner. Mainly I eat the cinnamon roll and drink the Coke I have for dessert. I'm reminded of my Mom who ate only cookies in the last two years of her life. I have a fourth cigarette and go back inside the house.

I have to go back to bed. I get under a quilt and curl up into a ball. It's still dark..and quiet...and...safe. I never sleep after I go back to bed. It's just that I'm not ready to go to work. At 7:00 precisely I get up again and go back to the workshop and light up another smoke. I must convince myself that I have to take a shower, get dressed, and go to work. When I get back inside the house, I go to bed again. I'm just not ready yet....

To be continued....

[VatorMan]

Damn-where do the Barbies come into this equation?

[lspencer534]

Damn-where do the Barbies come into this equation?

My Barbies are no longer with me. Human Services came out to visit. They asked me if I drink. I said only moderately: More than 2 but less than 10 a night. They didn't believe me. I offered to show them.

[sanchez]

Smoke 2 joints and jack off 3 times before bedtime.

You'll sleep like a boss.

Also, having a tug is like natures snooze bar. Whenever you want to crash for another hour on a saturday morning, flog Molly. You'll sleep no doubt.

[VatorMan]

Smoke 2 joints and jack off 3 times before bedtime.

You'll sleep like a boss.

Also, having a tug is like natures snooze bar. Whenever you want to crash for another hour on a saturday morning, flog Molly. You'll sleep no doubt.

I only fight the one eyed monster in the shower every morning. Am I doing it wrong?

[lspencer534]

I only fight the one eyed monster in the shower every morning. Am I doing it wrong?

I'm hardly one to give advice, but I am the guy who did 42.

[G8rDMD]

Smoke 2 joints and jack off 3 times before bedtime.

You'll sleep like a boss.

Also, having a tug is like natures snooze bar. Whenever you want to crash for another hour on a saturday morning, flog Molly. You'll sleep no doubt.

With the 'Chez :yesnod: Sex, or at least spankin' the monkah, releases some mad sleepin' chemicals into the bloodstream yo!

[sanchez]

I only fight the one eyed monster in the shower every morning. Am I doing it wrong?

That's a solid work day routine. But on a Saturday morning when you are trying to fall back to sleep blowing a load in an old sock is good for more than a few Zzzz's.

Tossin off also breaks up a traffic jam.

[lspencer534]

That's a solid work day routine. But on a Saturday morning when you are trying to fall back to sleep blowing a load in an old sock is good for more than a few Zzzz's.

Tossin off also breaks up a traffic jam.

Traffic jam? :leaving:

[sanchez]

I'm hardly one to give advice, but I am the guy who did 42.

Dude, jacking off 42 times becomes an anarerobic activity and should only be done on very special occasions, like the victorias secrect special or a free cinemax weekend.

[sanchez]

Traffic jam? :leaving:

Yeah, when you are stuck in freeway and getting all pissed.

Paint a map of Hawaii on your steerin wheel, guarantee you get home refreshed.

[lspencer534]

Dude, jacking off 42 times becomes an anarerobic activity and should only be done on very special occasions, like the victorias secrect special or a free cinemax weekend.

So I've been doing it all wrong by jacking off to June on "Leave it to Beaver"?

[lspencer534]

Yeah, when you are stuck in freeway and getting all pissed.

Paint a map of Hawaii on your steerin wheel, guarantee you get home refreshed.

I guess back to June Clever: Are you talking real jive talk?

[sanchez]

So I've been doing it all wrong by jacking off to June on "Leave it to Beaver"?

It depends on if you are taking the edge off or using it for cardio. If you are stroking to the oldies get you one of them heart rate monitors and keep you heart rate around 140bpm.

[lspencer534]

It depends on if you are taking the edge off or using it for cardio. If you are stroking to the oldies get you one of them heart rate monitors and keep you heart rate around 140bpm.

140bpm? That would put my old ticker in some serious stress! But...maybe I'll try it...just a few times. What about blow on top of that? Any dangers? You sound like a man who knows these things.

[sanchez]

140bpm? That would put my old ticker in some serious stress! But...maybe I'll try it...just a few times. What about blow on top of that? Any dangers? You sound like a man who knows these things.

I only use coke to even out the acid.

We may have unintentionally stumbled on to why you can't sleep.

Are you using blow are a party drug or to help you take a decent shit? I know it seems like an edgy way to maintain regularity but proper colon health cannot be maintained with bolivian marching powder. Instead save to blow for something special and get you some of that Jaime lee Curtis shit brewing yogurt. You know that is legit if a legendary piece of fine ***** like that is hawking it.

[lspencer534]

I only use coke to even out the acid.

We may have unintentionally stumbled on to why you can't sleep.

Are you using blow are a party drug or to help you take a decent shit? I know it seems like an edgy way to maintain regularity but proper colon health cannot be maintained with bolivian marching powder. Instead save to blow for something special and get you some of that Jaime lee Curtis shit brewing yogurt. You know that is legit if a legendary piece of fine ***** like that is hawking it.

But I'm not a hermaphrodite...although I've thought about it, frankly. Hell, hasn't everyone? I trust you, though, man. :cert:

[sanchez]

But I'm not a hermaphrodite...although I've thought about it, frankly. Hell, hasn't everyone? I trust you, though, man. :cert:

I'm hear for you. :cert:

[lspencer534]

I'm hear for you. :cert:

Oh, man...you just brought tears to my eyes! It's just like this morning when I got ready to go to work: My two kittens, Stormy and Tank, said they wanted to go to work with me. I grabbed them and hugged them so hard that shit squirted out their rear ends. I laid down in the driveway and cried! That's the happiest I've been in weeks! Tank died, BTW.

[Blademaker]

Little bit of this:

http://images.sciencedaily.com/2009/07/090730103742-large.jpg

Few hits of this:

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/marijuana-leaf.jpg

You'll sleep.

Trust me on this one.

[lspencer534]

Little bit of this:

http://images.sciencedaily.com/2009/07/090730103742-large.jpg

Few hits of this:

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/marijuana-leaf.jpg

You'll sleep.

Trust me on this one.

Grape juice and basil? Get outta here, man!

[Blademaker]

Grape juice and basil? Get outta here, man!

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[slant]

HUH ?
what is wrong ?

[99 pewtercoupe]

Im not sure WTF Spence is drinking or smoking but he is definitely out there a ways tonight

[xXBUDXx]

Im not sure WTF Spence is drinking or smoking but he is definitely out there a ways tonight

He'll be back tomorrow. He didn't even take his fuzzy slippers.

[Craig]

Little bit of this:

http://images.sciencedaily.com/2009/07/090730103742-large.jpg

Few hits of this:

http://static.ddmcdn.com/gif/marijuana-leaf.jpg

You'll sleep.

Trust me on this one.

It must be wonderful to be self employed. My corporate nanny would not approve.

[Craig]

Grape juice and basil? Get outta here, man!

You need to start writing to get published. You've got a book in you, I can feel it.

[99 pewtercoupe]

It must be wonderful to be self employed. My corporate nanny would not approve.

He is an attorney specializing in Barbie and cats case law

[jaxgator]

Damn! :rofl: :rofl: