You smoked all your life and you have cancer. IT’s no one else’s fault

[Burnt C6]

The wife’s father has been dealing with cancer for the past 5-6 years. Bone cancer at first and spread to his lungs. He is starting to be in a lot of pain now but the meds have been keeping it tolerable. He has always as the wife says been a son of a bitch and ass hole. He thinks everyone wants something from him. Hell he doesn’t have anything to give. Retired military then owned he owned his own business till about 12 years back never took out any kind of life insurance. He didn’t see any reason to leave anything to his wife to survive with after he was gone. All round just a selfish ass hole. Well he is really starting to piss me off. He called my wife to bitch her out about doing something that didn’t make a hill of beans. Said he wasn’t involved in the decision. Actually it wasn’t about him so he didn’t need to be involved. I went thru this with my dad over 15 years back. It was the same scenario. I finally had to get in my dad’s face and tell him to Fu%$ off and die. That’s exactly what I told him too. I told him we weren’t going to put up with his shit anymore and for him to make the decision if he wanted any of us around for the remainder of his time. He changed his actions the next week. I guess dying alone isn’t what he really wanted. I’ve told the wife that they are going to have to do the same thing. Someone is going to have to stand up and tell him to just STFU and stop being angry at them for something they had no decision in. For the past 5 years the sisters have treated him like he is going to die tomorrow. Actually it’s sickening around the holidays. I’m afraid if one of them doesn’t say something to him I’m going to the next time I’m over there and he starts in on everyone. Any way what does VBOT think she should do?

[04 commemorative]

let him die in peace

[Prosecutor]

It is hard to say what you should do without specifics. You definitely don't need to put up with a bunch of his crap. "F off and die" might be a bit harsh. Go with something firm but a little less nasty. There is no point.

[Torqaholic]

Probably the pain talking. If he's a dead man walking nothing he says matters in the long run and it wouldn't bother me. Someone who has nothing to lose is not the kind of person you want to escalate problems with.

[Kerrmudgeon]

The best thing for you to do is stay away! Let the family deal with it in there own way. No need to create a huge scene that may follow you around after he's gone. BUT, tell them you don't want to hear about it cause it bothers you.
:seasix:

[Mike Mercury]

not all fathers are arseholes; but I know that some can be.

My father was soooo bad - that his last 2 years of life I refused to talk to him; and in his "kingdom"... he never felt he should lift a finger to contact me either.

I didn't even go to his funeral; which was held 30 miles away.

But with all of that "I know what you're talking about..." response of mine; I...

let him die in peace
:iagree: with that.

The gift of peace during this troubled time does not mean you just have to sit there and take abuse. You can chose to simply "wash your hands" of the situation... with you and your wife not getting involved with the fathers day-to-day life. Help the best you can; but from the sidelines.

The best thing for you to do is stay away

:yesnod: and ... let your wife know she can still help out - but from a distance.

[BuckyThreadkiller]

I stay the hell out of my inlaws drama.

[tjfontaine]

The best thing for you to do is stay away! Let the family deal with it in there own way. No need to create a huge scene that may follow you around after he's gone. BUT, tell them you don't want to hear about it cause it bothers you.
:seasix:

:iagree:

[...Whitepower...]

I stay the hell out of my inlaws drama.

:iagree:

Same here but my situation is different than 99% of the people here.

[mrvette]

In order for me to tell the story even 1/2 way, I would take up about 60 pages of this forum, and NONE of you will read it anyway.....

short form, BIL was 15 years older than me, sis 13 years older.....

he was a head honcho at Library of Congress....GS 15+++ and so had a chance at open enrollment for life insurance on a MUST issue basis, instead he dies off from Cancer at age 56, from SMOKING/what else, and so he refused the open enrollment, and so 350 grand up in smoke......sis was PISSED to find that out....HIS excuse being a totalllllllly liberal assWHOLE that he was....'I don't want anyone to profit from my death'.....seriously.....

3 months later OUR Dad passed away, age 79.....so there I was with sis and Mom widowed within maybe 3 months of each other.....

some kind of Goddamn support I got from the EX too.....talk about a stupid bitch, that was/is one....another friggin' liberal.....commie to the core...

the people wonder why I a ARCH conservative and HATE the .gov to my core.....the stupid bastards they employ is just ASStounding.....there are some conservatives in the fray, like most of my friends, but grossly outnumbered, by ten to one, easy.....

:sadangel::kick:

[MrPeabody]

I stay the hell out of my inlaws drama.

:iagree:My wife is far more tolerant than I in these situations. Her dad was a real horror show at times, but she loved him as a father to the end. I just backed away and didn't cause any more trouble than there already was.

As an RN I guess she saw these situations every day, so I trusted that she knew better than I how to deal with them.

[DJ_Critterus]

The best thing for you to do is stay away! Let the family deal with it in there own way. No need to create a huge scene that may follow you around after he's gone. BUT, tell them you don't want to hear about it cause it bothers you.
:seasix:

His wife will deal with and he will inevitably be part of the situation no matter what happens. Make the family deal with it however they want, but tell them to do it and get it over with for the good of the entire family.

[DJ_Critterus]

In order for me to tell the story even 1/2 way, I would take up about 60 pages of this forum, and NONE of you will read it anyway.....



:sadangel::kick:

Google translate probably wouldn't work, either, so how could we read it?

Gene, at least you managed to get away.

[mrvette]

Google translate probably wouldn't work, either, so how could we read it?

Gene, at least you managed to get away.

BFD, the financial losses, and lost opportunity costs at MOST are about 3 million bux....and yes, dead serious.....MINIMUM value today about a million....

give or take a few hundred grand.....

:sadangel::shots: much less the financial bullshit business crap here in Florida....

:sadangel::kimblair:

[Mirroredshades]

:sadangel::kick:

Google translate probably wouldn't work, either, so how could we read it?

I must be losing it b/c I understood all of Gene's post.

:D


Like Bucky said, I'd stay out of it if I could.

But if that's not possible. Have all the siblings sit down in a room without the father and discuss how they want to deal with him. If there is a united front, support it. If not, pray the old geezer kicks it soon.

:barnbabe:

[Blademaker]

Give him a pistol and 1 bullet.
Everyone leave the house.

[Allan]

I stay the hell out of my inlaws drama.


:iagree:

If not, you will be answering for things you did/didn't say/do for many, many years in the future.

It's her side of the family, let her deal with it.

[Burnt C6]

let him die in peace
We are willing to it’s just whether on not he is willing to.

The best thing for you to do is stay away! Let the family deal with it in there own way. No need to create a huge scene that may follow you around after he's gone. BUT, tell them you don't want to hear about it cause it bothers you.
:seasix:
I do not want to get involved with the situation. It’s very hard to see him constantly verbally abuse Gay’s mom and her.
Give him a pistol and 1 bullet.
Everyone leave the house.
There are probably 10 pistols in the house and plenty of ammo. That’s not going to happen
I must be losing it b/c I understood all of Gene's post.

:D


Like Bucky said, I'd stay out of it if I could.

But if that's not possible. Have all the siblings sit down in a room without the father and discuss how they want to deal with him. If there is a united front, support it. If not, pray the old geezer kicks it soon.

:barnbabe:
I talked to the wife last night and they are going to have an intervention this week with him. I’m back at the KC office so I won’t be around for a few weeks. I would like to be there to support the wife but it’s probably best that it is just family. I’m hoping that he will just stop being like he has been. He is just angry ant the whole world. He can’t make peace with God because he thinks anything like that is crap. Guess we will see what happens. I’m thinking it’s going to be 6 months of pure hell for her mom.

[Fasglas]

I read the OP, no further.
IMO, such subjects are of a highly personal nature, thus have no place on a public forum among those who know neither the subjects or incidents alluded to.
That said, I have no comment.

[onedef92]

I read the OP, no further.
IMO, such subjects are of a highly personal nature, thus have no place on a public forum among those who know neither the subjects or incidents alluded to.
That said, I have no comment.


I agree. But I will caution you with these famous quotes from Mark Twain on unforgiveness.

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

I've seen this sort of stuff literally eat people inside out. Take care. Always leave room for grace and reconciliation.

[Bucwheat]

You don't know what he is going through or what is on his mind in his final days,just man up and ignore the things that get under your skin,it's hard but you may say something you may regret,he won't be around to torment you much longer.

[04 commemorative]

You don't know what he is going through or what is on his mind in his final days,just man up and ignore the things that get under your skin,it's hard but you may say something you may regret,he won't be around to torment you much longer.

not even man up.....just let it roll off your backs,this way you can never have any guilt about anything said. If he is that close he is not of his right mind. Been there a few times,hang in there.:seasix:

[Barkingowl]

The last time I dealt with my brother in law I told him he was a f.u.c.k.i.n.g loser & to never set foot in our house again. Now he's in the ICU on a ventilator. His family is asking everyone on FB for prayers & the only thing I'm hoping for is that a nurse puts an air bubble in that POS's IV line. I spoke to his eldest son last night & he's going to take this dirtbag back into his house after the father tried his best to destroy his reputation & his son's family. I hope someone suffocates him with a pillow.

[LilRedCorvette]

OP, I understand how ya feel. Like your FIL, my mother is a bitter old person. I'm currently not speaking to her, and have no plans to contact her, or attend her funeral when she passes. Some people are just toxic, and it's better to purge any toxicity from your life...otherwise it will eat at you. I know it's 'family', but that doesn't mean you have to tolerate bad behavior or treatment.

People deal with impending death in various ways. It sounds like this guy is stuck in the 'anger' phase and hasn't gotten to the 'acceptance' phase. Or, he is just an a$$hole. :lol:

Good luck...and peace be with you. :seasix:

[Iron Chef]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/ironchef10/toxic-parents-overcoming-their-hurtful-legacy-reclaiming-your-susan-forward-paperback-cover-art.jpg

[Blademaker]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v613/ironchef10/toxic-parents-overcoming-their-hurtful-legacy-reclaiming-your-susan-forward-paperback-cover-art.jpg

WOW.........I gotta read that..............Thanks......:seasix: