Time for the dreaded bowel evacuation...

[lspencer534]

for the colonoscopy tomorrow morning at 7:00 a.m. They're using a new (to me) kind of flusher: Instead of the ole gallon jug of putrid hog gut solution known as Go-Lytely, you take 4 Ducolax tablets and mix some powdered laxative with two 32-oz. bottles of Gatorade. Then...let the games begin! No food for the rest of the night, only clear liquids such as gin and tonic. Let's see...empty stomach, 3-4 gin and tonics (gins and tonic?)...yep, that'll work.

I remember the last colonoscopy I had: For some reason the doctor and nurse want to show you pictures of what they saw. I was groggy and didn't understand any of the pics. I finally pointed to one pic and asked, "What's that?". The nurse saw I still didn't understand, so she finally said, "That's your butt-hole." :rofl:

Anyone need more information?

[DJ_Critterus]

Send The Monk pics. He'll love them.

[C5Nate]

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQMPMYw-XQkJ7Bd3KwKeztDXfk7yijrfSpGpDujrp9VwNy_dPy9AbeFmUpRVA

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRd7nH5faWfEtrx1omxhKcTgjDxGqZ6mJ1SPOzoXX55mP_LDUlimVqhZQ

[Jeff '79]

Send The Monk pics. He'll love them.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[kingpin]

Why do you need to get this done?
Can't lawyers shit by themselves? :D

[DJ_Critterus]

Why do you need to get this done?
Can't lawyers shit by themselves? :D

Nope. They're full of shit and he's getting unclogged.

[lspencer534]

Why do you need to get this done?
Can't lawyers shit by themselves? :D

If it were up to me, I would never go to a doctor or a hospital unless the alternative was immediate death. This is to keep family off my back.

Young, dumb woman: "Doctor, is it possible to get pregnant through anal intercourse?"

Doctor: "Of course it is--where do you think lawyers come from?"

[Jeff '79]

If it were up to me, I would never go to a doctor or a hospital unless the alternative was immediate death. This is to keep family off my back.

Young, dumb woman: "Doctor, is it possible to get pregnant through anal intercourse?"

Doctor: "Of course it is--where do you think lawyers come from?"

Damn....I thought they crawled out of septic tanks, but that makes perfect sense....:seasix:

[C5Nate]

Why do you need to get this done?
Can't lawyers shit by themselves? :D




gastroenterology gas·tro·en·ter·ol·o·gy (gās'trō-ěn'tə-rŏl'ə-jē)
n.
•The medical specialty concerned with the function and disorders of the stomach, intestines, and related organs of the gastrointestinal tract.



gastroenter'ologist

— n

• A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.

• A brain surgeon for lawyers.

[GentleBen]

Well, a colonoscopic exam is certainly better than dying of colon cancer which kills over 55,000 in the U.S. each year.

In late December 2009 I had my first exam (61 years old and way too late for the first one). In early January 2010 I had surgery to remove the last foot of my descending colon and its four cancerous polyps. I have become an unwilling convert to having an annual "roto-rooter" exam because I know, first-hand, what the alternative is.

[OddBall]

If you feel two hands on your hips, that ain't a camera he's puttin' up there

[DJ_Critterus]

Doc: Holy hell, I've never performed that procedure without needing lube before.

[16again]

Doc: Holy hell, I've never performed that procedure without needing lube before.
:rofl: :lol:

[pappytinker]

Well, a colonoscopic exam is certainly better than dying of colon cancer which kills over 55,000 in the U.S. each year.

In late December 2009 I had my first exam (61 years old and way too late for the first one). In early January 2010 I had surgery to remove the last foot of my descending colon and its four cancerous polyps. I have become an unwilling convert to having an annual "roto-rooter" exam because I know, first-hand, what the alternative is.

I beat you by two years. My first (and only, so far) was at 63. They found 3 suspicious polyps but the biopsy showed they were not cancerous (not even pre-cancerous). Hope that everything is fine for you in the future.

Considering the news about aspirin that has been in the news recently, I wonder if the 24 years (ever since my heart attack) I have been taking an 81 mg aspirin daily has made any difference.

[04 commemorative]

good luck hope all is good

[Jeff '79]

good luck hope all is good

:iagree: Just relax and enjoy it, just like any other day....:seasix:

[lspencer534]

gastroenterology gas·tro·en·ter·ol·o·gy (gās'trō-ěn'tə-rŏl'ə-jē)
n.
•The medical specialty concerned with the function and disorders of the stomach, intestines, and related organs of the gastrointestinal tract.



gastroenter'ologist

— n

• A doctor who puts in a hard day at the orifice.

• A brain surgeon for lawyers.

:lol:

[lspencer534]

Peeps, when are the laxatives supposed to kick in? I'm not looking forward to it, but it's been almost an hour. All I have so far is a too-sweet taste in my mouth from the Gatorade, a distended stomach, and a tiny bit of nausea.

[Jeff '79]

Peeps, when are the laxatives supposed to kick in? I'm not looking forward to it, but it's been almost an hour. All I have so far is a too-sweet taste in my mouth from the Gatorade, a distended stomach, and a tiny bit of nausea.

Monk, to the white courtesy phone....

[DAB]

boo!!


just trying to scare the shit out of you. :dance::dance:

[GS Ragtop]

You should take a Magic Marker and write "INSERT HERE" on your butt cheeks with arrows pointing to your bung hole.

That'll give the techs a day to remember...

[The_Dude]

What a coincidence. I'm having a colonoscopy done tomorrow at 8:30. I'm in the middle of my gallon jug right now.

[Jeff '79]

http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af113/jeff79/DeerChewing.gif

http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af113/jeff79/ColonCleanse7575.jpg

[xXBUDXx]

What a coincidence. I'm having a colonoscopy done tomorrow at 8:30. I'm in the middle of my gallon jug right now.

I do not want to join your club.

[DJ_Critterus]

I do not want to join your club.

Rule #1 - You don't talk about colon club.

[The_Dude]

I do not want to join your club.I've seen the possible alternative and it isn't pretty.

[Jeff '79]

I do not want to join your club.

Rule #1 - You don't talk about colon club.

Sounds like a good place to share shitty stories.:shots:

[DAB]

wouldn't having a large bowl of Gozar's chili taste better and have the same end effect?

[xXBUDXx]

I've seen the possible alternative and it isn't pretty.

I don't want to join that club, either.

[Blademaker]

Here's a nice relaxing vid to help take you mind off all of the soon to be shit.

Scary Car Commercial - YouTube

[Jeff '79]

Here's a nice relaxing vid to help take you mind off all of the soon to be shit.

Scary Car Commercial - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqGsT6VM8Vg)

:rofl:

[DJ_Critterus]

wouldn't having a large bowl of Gozar's chili taste better and have the same end effect?

He doesn't want to projectile shit all over the couch, carpet, and possibly the neighbor's lawn.

[DAB]

He doesn't want to projectile shit all over the couch, carpet, and possibly the neighbor's lawn.

phooey. what's the point of HOA rules if you can't run afoul of at least 6 in one fell swoop?

or....he could construct a duct tape tube, and see if he can get lift off!! :dance:

[wwomanC6]

Peeps, when are the laxatives supposed to kick in? I'm not looking forward to it, but it's been almost an hour. All I have so far is a too-sweet taste in my mouth from the Gatorade, a distended stomach, and a tiny bit of nausea.

It will not be long now. :rofl:

In about another hour or two.....then CLEAR THE ROAD!!!!!


:squirrelrun:

[DJ_Critterus]

It will not be long now. :rofl:

In about another hour or two.....then CLEAR THE ROAD!!!!!


:squirrelrun:

I think he should go write his name in the road.... the hard way.

[04 commemorative]

I do not want to join your club.

but..........you will..:yesnod:

[MEC5LADY]

Hope everything comes out alright. Oh what am I saying you have no choice.:willy:

[xXBUDXx]

but..........you will..:yesnod:

:willy:

[lspencer534]

Sweet mother of Jesus! When the fcuk will the gallops stop? My poor toilet will never be clean again. :faint:

[xXBUDXx]

I hope you had the forethought to put a TV in the bathroom.

[mrvette]

1980 I slipped off the deck of my boat onto the ass fault deck some 5' drop and so was knocked out and some friends though I was dead, but I came to and went home with a hell of a back ache....nothing new for me, due to a shitty rusty skeleton off the assembly line, what can I say??

I can tell you about older fashioned colon cleansers administered by the BEST looking nurse on the floor,

even in front of the ex, I had a woodie as it took place....I married the rong chick....

:hurray::lol:

[lspencer534]

Yep...but there's nothing on for an old, diarrhea-spewing, prevert like me. I guess I'm just the wrong demographic for TV shows.

[lspencer534]

I think the worst may be over. It's been 14 seconds since the last trip to the toilet. :leaving:

[The_Dude]

That whole gallon ran right through me...whoops, spoke too soon. brb

[wwomanC6]

I think the worst may be over. It's been 14 seconds since the last trip to the toilet. :leaving:

That whole gallon ran right through me...whoops, spoke too soon. brb

Guys, I hate to disappoint you! But just when you think you've emptied out completely......Surprise!!!! You may even still go in the am too! :D No shit! Really!!!!


:rofl:

[Blademaker]

You sure as hell don't want to trust a fart at this moment.

[Vet4jdc]

I think the worst may be over. It's been 14 seconds since the last trip to the toilet. :leaving:

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[kingpin]

This thread is shitty...just shitty.

I will never go through anything like that.
I had to get a physical to play football and when it was time for the finger I told him it ain't happening.
F*** that shit!
:no nod:

[xXBUDXx]

You sure as hell don't want to trust a fart at this moment.

It was a cruel doctor that scheduled this during pollen season.

[Blademaker]

It was a cruel doctor that scheduled this during pollen season.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[lspencer534]

Realizing that I could be proven wrong at any moment (BRB), I want to give you peeps some encouragement as a PSA: It's not that bad. My routine was interrupted, I wasn't able to have dinner, and I made a lot of trips to the toilet. I did have minor nausea at the beginning, but not enough to throw up. The gin and tonics (gins and tonic? Still don't know which is correct) helped tremendously. I'm comfortably buzzed after four because of an empty stomach...and colon.

The procedure itself is easy--no pain, absolutely wonderful drugs. You just have to hope that nothing malignant is found...and it rarely is. If you're 50 or older, or earlier if you have a history of cancer in your family, please have a colonoscopy done. Colon cancer isn't a pretty thing to have or way to die. If you're treatable, the recovery is agonizingly long and painful. If you're going to die, they have to put you in a coma for you to endure the pain.

Here's hoping for me and for you! :cert:

[mtp]

And this made it to four pages.....damn

[C5Nate]

.

The procedure itself is easy--no pain, absolutely wonderful drugs. You just have to hope that nothing malignant is found...and it rarely is.


I always had world class farts after which is a bonus IMHO.

[lspencer534]

And this made it to four pages.....damn

Hey, man...we're talking butt holes here! :rofl:

[Skia]

And this made it to four pages.....damn
noob!! It's still on page one for those of us that know how to change settings. :p

[DAB]

Will any of this be on the Sunday quiz??

[lspencer534]

Will any of this be on the Sunday quiz??

Yes. Example: "What color is Lspencer534's poop in prep for a colonoscopy: a. Pink b. Purple c. Magenta d. All of the above"

[Skia]

Yes. Example: "What color is Lspencer534's poop in prep for a colonoscopy: a. Pink b. Purple c. Magenta d. All of the above"
E: we really didn't want to know.

[Ol Timer]

Peeps, when are the laxatives supposed to kick in? I'm not looking forward to it, but it's been almost an hour. All I have so far is a too-sweet taste in my mouth from the Gatorade, a distended stomach, and a tiny bit of nausea.

You gotta let the gerbil out first. Good luck with your procedure.

[LisaJohn]

Good luck and best wishes!

$h!T happens...
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
then you wipe!

[Cybercowboy]

You suck butt because I don't have to have that ever because they have other tests now and I'm nanny-nanny boo-boo stick-your-head-in-doo-dooing you.

Only people with HISTORIES of really terrible colons have to have that shit done to them now. The rest of us normal people can just do a poop test every ten years or so. HAH!

[04 commemorative]

You suck butt because I don't have to have that ever because they have other tests now and I'm nanny-nanny boo-boo stick-your-head-in-doo-dooing you.

Only people with HISTORIES of really terrible colons have to have that shit done to them now. The rest of us normal people can just do a poop test every ten years or so. HAH!

and to think I actually thought you were somewhat smart......:slap:

[island14]

It was a cruel doctor that scheduled this during pollen season.

:rofl:

[The_Dude]

Doing the morning session now.

[onedef92]

:flush: Get some premium toilet paper and some Tuck's Medicated Pads to soothe the inevitable booty burn today after you finish shitting a brick.

[The_Dude]

No polyps. I'm good for another 5 years. :party:

[DJ_Critterus]

You're all apparently warmed up and ready for the gay bar :ack:

[Rotorhead]

Were going to need a much bigger scope!

[DJ_Critterus]

Were going to need a much bigger scope!

Like an ACOG? :ack:

[Jay13]

Had my first one last week. My wife convinced me to go to a guy we know socially because he really is the best around. So they wheel me into the room and i'm lifting my head and looking around. The nurse asks why and I tell her that I know the Dr. is a sick m-fer and I'm just looking for the Polaroid camera and the party hats. Then the Versed must've started and I don't remember a thing.

So I get home and like any normal man go to take a shower to wash away the physical and emotional scars. My wife, who's afraid I'll wipe out in the shower after the anesthesia literally chokes and starts laughing hysterically. Between gasps she tells me to turn and look in the mirror.

The sick m-fer took a sugical marker and drew a huge smilie face on my ass. Yes, I have pics. No, I won't post them.

[GS Ragtop]

The sick m-fer took a sugical marker and drew a huge smilie face on my ass. Yes, I have pics. No, I won't post them.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[The_Dude]

The sick m-fer took a sugical marker and drew a huge smilie face on my ass. Yes, I have pics. No, I won't post them.Sounds like he should be a member here. :D

[syf350]

damn i need to get this done. everyone in my family that has died has died of cancer...and dad's was colon cancer.:leaving:

[The_Dude]

damn i need to get this done. everyone in my family that has died has died of cancer...and dad's was colon cancer.:leaving:My step father waited until he was 61 for his first colonoscopy. If he would have had it done sometime in his 50s he'd still be alive today.

[69camfrk]

:flush: Get some premium toilet paper and some Tuck's Medicated Pads to soothe the inevitable booty burn today after you finish shitting a brick.

And you can provide this useful information why??????:rofl::leaving:

[DJ_Critterus]

Sounds like he should be a member here. :D

Sounds like he needs to get it over with and forward the pics to The monk.

[CertInsaneC5]

The sick m-fer took a sugical marker and drew a huge smilie face on my ass. Yes, I have pics. No, I won't post them.

:lolsmile::lolsmile::lolsmile::lolsmile:

[onedef92]

And you can provide this useful information why??????:rofl::leaving:


'Cuz I got scoped five years ago! Colon cancer runs in the family on my Dad's side.