Husbands...how would you feel?

[ConstantChange]

My oldest sisters husband died 4 years ago today from a drug overdose. They were together, either dating or married, for ~20 years. They had two kids together. A little over a year ago she got remarried to a guy that has a son the same age as her oldest son.

Today she posted these messages on her Facebook...
"I miss you so much." along with a video of Pink singing Who Knew
"Today is a terrible horrible no good very bad day!!!!"
"Whoever said time makes it better needs to let me in on when that actually starts happening."

If you were her current husband, how would that make you feel?

I dated a girl for 4+ years who's first husband committed suicide. I worked for her grandfather at the time and even attended the funeral (I didn't really know her or her husband previously, I drove her grandparents.) During our time together, I don't recall her ever mentioning their wedding anniversary, the anniversary of his death, etc... She would talk about him in stories at times, but she never made me feel like she wished he was still alive and they were still together, even if part of her did feel that way.

I dunno. When I first read it, I thought it was disrespectful. I don't think it's wrong to mourn that day, but to post something public like that to all your friends seems wrong to me.

[Burro (He/Haw)]

Some people grieve in private, some need to get shit out. The date will probably always be a painful time for her, and only she knows how to mange it.

[Fastguy]

Everyone mourns differently, and some things you don't "get over" but posting it on FB seems a bit odd.

[1911fool]

I think that .... oh hell i have nothing.

[Kerrmudgeon]

Making it public is a slap in the face of the new guy, right or wrong. Keep it private, and have some respect for your new mate! :cry:.....:slap:

[...Whitepower...]

Facebook has become the new socially acceptable way to be a passive aggressive asshole to people IMO.

I personally find great fun in calling people out in their bullshit. I've been defriended a few times because of it.

[polarbear]

A niece posted recently on Facebook that a nephew had OD'd at home and died. Unfortunately, this was quite awhile before the rest of the family had been notified. I was :mad: . Not the kind of thing I want to find out from one of my daughter's friends that read the post and called.

** As an aside, his dad found him at home, slumped over the tub. As a parent, I just can't imagine anything worse than that. :sadangel:

[kingpin]

I think it shows lack of tact and lack of respect.
Unless he's puzzy whipped and his balls are in her purse it makes him look like a chump.

But that's just the way I would feel about it.

[HeatherO]

I'm not a husband, but I don't think it's that big of a deal in real life to remember some anniversaries of the past, a new relationship should be understanding...
FB should be fun and light hearted.
I get annoyed when people post weird, depressing, cryptic crap on FB

[ConstantChange]

Unless he's puzzy whipped and his balls are in her purse it makes him look like a chump.

He is a chump. I never met the guy until AFTER the wedding. I didn't even want to attend the wedding due to them finding excuses to not meet the rest of the family, but I told my sister several months back I would walk her down the aisle, so I did.

They had the wedding at his relatives house. I was standing in the living room wearing a suit before the wedding when he showed up. It was 100% obvious who I was based on what I was wearing and where I was. The guest were all outside. His fat ass saw me, cut through the kitchen, and went outside. He purposely avoided me until after the wedding when my sister introduced us. How F'd up is that?

I wasn't mad at the guy, I just wanted to meet him. To me, he seems scared of his own shadow.

:rant:

[ConstantChange]

I'm not a husband, but I don't think it's that big of a deal in real life to remember some anniversaries of the past.

It's not. It's perfectly normal. I just think she had a poor choice of words and a poor forum to express her feelings. Just my opinion...

[Iron Chef]

Tacky. And inconsiderate. Period.

I'd pack my shit and walk.

[kingpin]

He is a chump. I never met the guy until AFTER the wedding. I didn't even want to attend the wedding due to them finding excuses to not meet the rest of the family, but I told my sister several months back I would walk her down the aisle, so I did.

They had the wedding at his relatives house. I was standing in the living room wearing a suit before the wedding when he showed up. It was 100% obvious who I was based on what I was wearing and where I was. The guest were all outside. His fat ass saw me, cut through the kitchen, and went outside. He purposely avoided me until after the wedding when my sister introduced us. How F'd up is that?

I wasn't mad at the guy, I just wanted to meet him. To me, he seems scared of his own shadow.

:rant:

Oh and I apologize if I sounded harsh, I forgot it was your sister we were talking about.
I still think it was wrong though.

:cheers:

[HeatherO]

It's not. It's perfectly normal. I just think she had a poor choice of words and a poor forum to express her feelings. Just my opinion...

I agree that FB is NOT the forum to express such personal feelings....

[oyealiz]

My oldest sisters husband died 4 years ago today from a drug overdose. They were together, either dating or married, for ~20 years. They had two kids together. A little over a year ago she got remarried to a guy that has a son the same age as her oldest son.

Today she posted these messages on her Facebook...
"I miss you so much." along with a video of Pink singing Who Knew
"Today is a terrible horrible no good very bad day!!!!"
"Whoever said time makes it better needs to let me in on when that actually starts happening."

If you were her current husband, how would that make you feel?

I dated a girl for 4+ years who's first husband committed suicide. I worked for her grandfather at the time and even attended the funeral (I didn't really know her or her husband previously, I drove her grandparents.) During our time together, I don't recall her ever mentioning their wedding anniversary, the anniversary of his death, etc... She would talk about him in stories at times, but she never made me feel like she wished he was still alive and they were still together, even if part of her did feel that way.

I dunno. When I first read it, I thought it was disrespectful. I don't think it's wrong to mourn that day, but to post something public like that to all your friends seems wrong to me.

The first two lines she wrote...well, ok. It has to be a hard day.

But the third line? Totally disrespectful to her new husband.

Obviously I'm not a husband, but if I were her friend (or relative) I'd feel very embarrassed for her new husband.

[Rotorhead]

Some people grieve in private, some need to get shit out. The date will probably always be a painful time for her, and only she knows how to mange it.

:iagree:

[nhlgopens]

There are those who never get over their first true love...

[Jeff '79]

You're asking us to analyze a woman ????....:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:....I got nuttin'....other than she really loved him, and it's sad.

[nhra_ta]

The first two lines she wrote...well, ok. It has to be a hard day.

But the third line? Totally disrespectful to her new husband.

Obviously I'm not a husband, but if I were her friend (or relative) I'd feel very embarrassed for her new husband.

:iagree:

She is obviously still grieving and I sympathize with that. Even posting something about the day on FB if that helps does not seem totally out of line. I'm not a husband either, but I would definitely be concerned by her choice of words and depth of emotion.

[Blademaker]

Intentional OD or accidental?
Illegal drugs?

[joecaver]

4 years might be long enough for some people to get past something but not long enough for others. You can not fault someone for their feelings. You can fault them for their public display of that feeling which in this case is hurtfull to others. There is no excuse for hurting the new guy. Keep that crap to yourself. There is a belief prevelant today that you should share everything with everybody, it is not true.

[...Whitepower...]

There is a belief prevelant today that you should share everything with everybody, it is not true.

Agree 100%.

[Iron Chef]

The first two lines she wrote...well, ok. It has to be a hard day.

But the third line? Totally disrespectful to her new husband.

Obviously I'm not a husband, but if I were her friend (or relative) I'd feel very embarrassed for her new husband.

This is key right here. No matter what...the feelings, likes and dislikes of the person you're with must to take precedence over anyone you've been with previously.

I had an ex who somehow managed to keep in touch with a guy that she had a fling with for about 2 months, 20 years prior. He was married, with kids and knew full well that she was in a serious relationship, but would still Email her all this suggestive stuff. She just couldn't understand why I felt that an Email saying "send me a pic of your tits"...and her not telling him to STFU and get lost...was disrespectful to me.

:willy::willy::willy:

It was a huge bone of contention throughout our relationship.

[ConstantChange]

Intentional OD or accidental?
Illegal drugs?

"Accidental" on prescription meds. From what I was told and my years around him at family events, he'd been using various drugs for years. If you play with fire long enough, you're going to get burned.

I don't like talking bad about the dead, but he wasn't a good father, husband, or provider. My sister had an opportunity to make a positive change in her life after he passed and she choose to marry a guy very similar to her first husband.

Needless to say, we're not that close.

[kingpin]

This is key right here. No matter what...the feelings, likes and dislikes of the person you're with must to take precedence over anyone you've been with previously.

I had an ex who somehow managed to keep in touch with a guy that she had a fling with for about 2 months, 20 years prior. He was married, with kids and knew full well that she was in a serious relationship, but would still Email her all this suggestive stuff. She just couldn't understand why I felt that an Email saying "send me a pic of your tits"...and her not telling him to STFU and get lost...was disrespectful to me.

:willy::willy::willy:

It was a huge bone of contention throughout our relationship.


Sorry aboot that!
:leaving:

[Mike Mercury]

Facebook has become the new socially acceptable way to be a passive aggressive asshole to people IMO.

:iagree:

[Iron Chef]

Should have sent him a pic of your tits. :D

Bet that convo would stop fast. :lol:
What I should have done is redirected the Email to his wife with an attachment saying if there was any further communication, I'll send a copy to his employer (he's a writer for the Wall Street Journal).

But you know...it wasn't my job to do that. It was the ex's friend so SHE should have taken it upon herself to realize that this is shitty behavior and handled it. The fact that she didn't speaks volumes.

The real irony in all this was that a few weeks later, this same retard wrote a piece about trying to teach his young son values and accountability.

Just feckin' shoot me. :rolleyes:

[bsmith]

It's a little tacky, but fb has made it way too easy for people to lay their lives out on the line...and not even think how it looks to others :ack:

Not the same deal, but I lost my dad when I was young and it can mess up a person. :sadangel:

[Low12s]

Speaking only for myself, and under different circumstances... I lost my Dad over 10 years ago, there are certain randon times when I get very sad and introspective. I certainly would not take any offense from something like that.

[polarbear]

Intentional OD or accidental?
Illegal drugs?

I assume you're asking me that question. Accidental as far as anyone can tell, and illegal. Ongoing problem the family wasn't aware of.

[ft laud mike]

Maybe the two situations the OP posted about had to do with the way these people dies (suddenly/ unexpectedly), no time to prepare
Still pretty crappy for current guy though