Post your "Oh, fcuk!" moments

[lspencer534]

Something I saw in the newspaper reminded me of this: A couple of years ago my daughter said she wanted me to meet her new BF. I said, "Great! Bring him over for dinner!". I'm a pretty good cook, so I thought I'd fix some of my world-famous (in my mind) BBQ. Two days prior to them coming over, she called and I happened to ask her what her BF does for a living.

"He's a chef." :leaving:

[Blademaker]

A few years ago, I was sitting on the veranda surveying my domain with my best friend/neighbor, swilling beer.
My wife came out to ask me a question. After answering it, I asked her to get me another beer.
I looked at Bill and said "Thats right, pal, I'm King of my castle and I await my beer!"
I noticed he was looking at me with his eyes bugged out, so instinct kicked in and I looked at him and said "And she's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
She was.
FML
Had to get my own damned beer.

[lspencer534]

A few years ago, I was sitting on the veranda surveying my domain with my best friend/neighbor, swilling beer.
My wife came out to ask me a question. After answering it, I asked her to get me another beer.
I looked at Bill and said "Thats right, pal, I'm King of my castle and I await my beer!"
I noticed he was looking at me with his eyes bugged out, so instinct kicked in and I looked at him and said "And she's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
She was.
FML
Had to get my own damned beer.

And I'll bet that's all you got that night, too. :D

[JRD77VET]

A few years ago, I was sitting on the veranda surveying my domain with my best friend/neighbor, swilling beer.
My wife came out to ask me a question. After answering it, I asked her to get me another beer.
I looked at Bill and said "Thats right, pal, I'm King of my castle and I await my beer!"
I noticed he was looking at me with his eyes bugged out, so instinct kicked in and I looked at him and said "And she's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
She was.
FML
Had to get my own damned beer.

Was that before or after the new veranda roof? :D

[syf350]

8-12-95, 3-10-07:leaving:

[Blademaker]

Was that before or after the new veranda roof? :D

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I'll have you know I just have replaced the roof on the Gazebo, about a month ago.
Still not allowed to burn leaves. :D

[MEANZ06]

was at the gas station paying for gas, i look outside and a C4 pulled up with a huge heffalump crawling out, i say to the cashier "nice car" in a smirking kinda way. he says, "thats my girlfriend".... :Jeff '79:

[lspencer534]

was at the gas station paying for gas, i look outside and a C4 pulled up with a huge heffalump crawling out, i say to the cashier "nice car" in a smirking kinda way. he says, "thats my girlfriend".... :Jeff '79:

:rofl:

[Entropy]

8-12-95, 3-10-07:leaving:
Marriage dates?

[Entropy]

The time I realized how important it was to put good tires on the back of a FWD car. It was a little too late.

[lspencer534]

Marriage dates?

Circucism dates? :leaving:

[Entropy]

Circucism dates? :leaving:
Damn. :lol:

[lspencer534]

Damn. :lol:

Happens when you use pinking shears. :leaving:

[OddBall]

Marriage dates?

Didn't use a rubber dates.

[RedLS1GTO]

Got way too many of them unfortunately.

One just last week actually...

I was on a conference call for work with one of our plants in Alabama. One of the women on the other end is one of the most disgusting people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She is about 300lbs of ugly, slob, and her personality matches. In my office on the speaker phone with me was another co-worker (friend). When Gigantor was talking, I thought I had hit the mute button on the phone... but apparently I had not. My comment:

"I have no idea how she can speak while stuffing her face with a fried chicken... "

Silence.

:slap:

[MEC5LADY]

Got way too many of them unfortunately.

One just last week actually...

I was on a conference call for work with one of our plants in Alabama. One of the women on the other end is one of the most disgusting people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She is about 300lbs of ugly, slob, and her personality matches. In my office on the speaker phone with me was another co-worker (friend). When Gigantor was talking, I thought I had hit the mute button on the phone... but apparently I had not. My comment:

"I have no idea how she can speak while stuffing her face with a fried chicken... "

Silence.

:slap:

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

[RedLS1GTO]

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Yea, I have a bit of a problem in censoring what I say at times. lol

[OddBall]

Got way too many of them unfortunately.

One just last week actually...

I was on a conference call for work with one of our plants in Alabama. One of the women on the other end is one of the most disgusting people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She is about 300lbs of ugly, slob, and her personality matches. In my office on the speaker phone with me was another co-worker (friend). When Gigantor was talking, I thought I had hit the mute button on the phone... but apparently I had not. My comment:

"I have no idea how she can speak while stuffing her face with a fried chicken... "

Silence.

:slap:
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[Burro (He/Haw)]

March 17, 1962 - November 24th, 2011;

49 Years, 8 months, 7 days of sayin' "Oh fcuk!"

[syf350]

Marriage dates?


:sadangel:

[OddBall]

A few years back.
We had this guy at work. Good fellow, just unassuming as hell. We'll call him Bobby.
Well one day in the break room after lunch; the resident heffalump is bitching about how she slipped and busted her ass at the restaurant that most everyone ate at. Naturally, I'm doing everything I can to hold it in, and I'm on the very edge of just busting out laughing when ol' Bobby, dead serious and innocent as hell, says: "was that what that was? I thought a truck had hit the building."











Now, seriously; How the hell was I supposed to hold it in after that?

[Bucwheat]

:rofl:good stuff.

[SnikPlosskin]

Restringing my Ovation Legend on a table under a row of other guitars hanging from the wall. My Les Paul's wall mount gives way and it crashes down on to the Ovation smashing the solid spruce top and destroying it.

Also...on a freeway in Milwaukee the traffic in front of me suddenly stops. I ram on the brakes in my brand new 96 Corvette coupe stopping about an an inch from the vehicle in front of me. Sigh of relief, glance up at the rear view. Nothing there. At that moment, a jolt and darkness. A few minutes later, I hear the stereo still playing, the freeway is louder but it is still dark (this happened mid day).

Turns out an idiot in an SUV hit me from the adjacent lane going over 70mph. His truck went up and over my car, sheared off my roof, broke my car in half and landed on top of the car in front of me.

I was shoved under the steering wheel and trapped under the dash board, my body bending the steering wheel. Took them about 30 minute to cut me out. I broke my back.

That was fun.

[kingpin]

Thinking that I could hold up 50 sheets of drywall that were leaning on the wall so I could get a sheet of plywood out that was in the back at 3am in my parents house.

Going to my buddies cottage when I was in high school with a bunch of girls for a good time. Told my gf the day before I woudn't see her at lunch because of a long drafting exam. Being the sweetheart she was she waited outside the class at the end of school for me.
Went to her apartment around 5pm that night. She asked me how my exam went. I blah blah blahed about how difficult it was, and I think I did alright.
She then told me about how she waited for me all afternoon and to her surprise I wasn't there.
Got that sick and dismal "oh ****" feeling of being caught.
So like a good young man I turned it around on her "that she didn't trust me and shit" and I knew about the guy at her work that kept asking her out(i made that up but it was true).
She apologized and we went on. :D

[CertInsaneC5]

Not long after buying my first house. I purchased my first riding lawnmower.
I quickly decided that the seat safety switch was BS. I disabled it. :leaving:

A few months later I ordered a new cable service
(Comcrap sucks BTW). They came out and laid out the new line. I had mowed around that fckr for 3 months.

One day I was not paying attention and drove over the top of it. It wrapped up in the blades like Oprah sucking food off a free buffet.
Just before the mover stalled out, I had the bright idea to grab the cable that was wiping around. Yanked me off the mower, into the tree next to me.

Out cold. Just dumb luck I didn't get caught in that and mulched like the rest of it. The mower was still running when I woke up. :leaving:

[OddBall]

Restringing my Ovation Legend on a table under a row of other guitars hanging from the wall. My Les Paul's wall mount gives way and it crashes down on to the Ovation smashing the solid spruce top and destroying it.

Also...on a freeway in Milwaukee the traffic in front of me suddenly stops. I ram on the brakes in my brand new 96 Corvette coupe stopping about an an inch from the vehicle in front of me. Sigh of relief, glance up at the rear view. Nothing there. At that moment, a jolt and darkness. A few minutes later, I hear the stereo still playing, the freeway is louder but it is still dark (this happened mid day).

Turns out an idiot in an SUV hit me from the adjacent lane going over 70mph. His truck went up and over my car, sheared off my roof, broke my car in half and landed on top of the car in front of me.

I was shoved under the steering wheel and trapped under the dash board, my body bending the steering wheel. Took them about 30 minute to cut me out. I broke my back.

That was fun.


HOLY SHIT! :eek:

[Nox]

I was grappeling with a guy over a gun when suddenly there is a loud bang, and it goes off in our hands. Then there is blood all over, and it's *my blood.* That's an "Oh fuk" moment for sure. I'm still here though. He's not.

[kylebuck]

Talking to a girl one time while driving back to baton rouge and this song comes on my cd called "girl gimmy that."
We'll I think I hang up and I start saying the lyrics. " girl gimmy that girl gimmy thy puzzy."
Then I realized she was still on the phone

[island14]

A few years ago, I was sitting on the veranda surveying my domain with my best friend/neighbor, swilling beer.
My wife came out to ask me a question. After answering it, I asked her to get me another beer.
I looked at Bill and said "Thats right, pal, I'm King of my castle and I await my beer!"
I noticed he was looking at me with his eyes bugged out, so instinct kicked in and I looked at him and said "And she's standing right behind me, isn't she?"
She was.
FML
Had to get my own damned beer.

I had to laugh!

:lol:

[island14]

was at the gas station paying for gas, i look outside and a C4 pulled up with a huge heffalump crawling out, i say to the cashier "nice car" in a smirking kinda way. he says, "thats my girlfriend".... :Jeff '79:

Oh nooooo http://www.thevettebarn.com/forums/images/smilies/lol2.gif

[island14]

Got way too many of them unfortunately.

One just last week actually...

I was on a conference call for work with one of our plants in Alabama. One of the women on the other end is one of the most disgusting people I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She is about 300lbs of ugly, slob, and her personality matches. In my office on the speaker phone with me was another co-worker (friend). When Gigantor was talking, I thought I had hit the mute button on the phone... but apparently I had not. My comment:

"I have no idea how she can speak while stuffing her face with a fried chicken... "

Silence.

:slap:


:lol:

[FasterTraffic]

During a sporting contest, coming down with my right leg bent outward at an awkward angle and hearing a "pop."

I had convinced myself that my swollen and discolored ankle was merely sprained. That is, until we returned to the hotel and I attempted to walk on it and felt the broken ends of my fibula grinding together.

I collapsed like a dynamited hotel.

___________________

Also, in a broadly distrubuted email, an unfortunate typo regarding a "defective dick drive."

[BADRACR1]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I'll have you know I just have replaced the roof on the Gazebo, about a month ago.
Still not allowed to burn leaves. :D

I remember reading that! That was you??:rofl:

[Blademaker]

I remember reading that! That was you??:rofl:

:yesnod: :leaving:

[OddBall]

Talking to a girl one time while driving back to baton rouge and this song comes on my cd called "girl gimmy that."
We'll I think I hang up and I start saying the lyrics. " girl gimmy that girl gimmy thy puzzy."
Then I realized she was still on the phone

well; did she?

[kylebuck]

well; did she?

Well let's just say I never spoke to her again

[jaxgator]

Not long after buying my first house. I purchased my first riding lawnmower.
I quickly decided that the seat safety switch was BS. I disabled it. :leaving:

A few months later I ordered a new cable service
(Comcrap sucks BTW). They came out and laid out the new line. I had mowed around that fckr for 3 months.

One day I was not paying attention and drove over the top of it. It wrapped up in the blades like Oprah sucking food off a free buffet.
Just before the mover stalled out, I had the bright idea to grab the cable that was wiping around. Yanked me off the mower, into the tree next to me.

Out cold. Just dumb luck I didn't get caught in that and mulched like the rest of it. The mower was still running when I woke up. :leaving:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: