Kerrmudgeon
10-28-2011, 7:53am
Top l0 Signs You're Too Old To Be Trick-Or-Treating
Courtesy of vintage David Letterman
l0. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for highfiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!"
And you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell "Trick or..."
and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag
full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully chose a costume
that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the nieighborhood
with a walker.
l. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<:jester:>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lewd and scary behavior...
The police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old, white
male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38
p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and
lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch he decided to stop. You know, a pumpkin is soft
and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for
miles. At least I thought there wasn't, he stated in a
phone interview. Lawrence went onto say that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that
he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in
it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. I guess
I was just really into it, you know, he commented with
evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence
apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car
approaching and was unaware of his audience until
officer Brenda Taylor approached him. It was an
unusual situation, that's for sure, said officer Taylor.
I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's just working away at
this pumpkin.
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
approached Lawrence. I just went up and said, Excuse
me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a
pumpkin? He froze and was clearly very surprised that
I was there, and then looked me straight in the face
and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"
Courtesy of vintage David Letterman
l0. You get winded from knocking on the door.
9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
8. You ask for highfiber candy only.
7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.
6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!"
And you're not wearing a mask.
5. When the door opens you yell "Trick or..."
and can't remember the rest.
4. By the end of the night, you have a bag
full of restraining orders.
3. You have to carefully chose a costume
that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
2. You're the only Power Ranger in the nieighborhood
with a walker.
l. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<:jester:>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lewd and scary behavior...
The police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old, white
male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38
p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and
lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch he decided to stop. You know, a pumpkin is soft
and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for
miles. At least I thought there wasn't, he stated in a
phone interview. Lawrence went onto say that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that
he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in
it and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. I guess
I was just really into it, you know, he commented with
evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence
apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car
approaching and was unaware of his audience until
officer Brenda Taylor approached him. It was an
unusual situation, that's for sure, said officer Taylor.
I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's just working away at
this pumpkin.
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she
approached Lawrence. I just went up and said, Excuse
me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a
pumpkin? He froze and was clearly very surprised that
I was there, and then looked me straight in the face
and said, "A pumpkin? Damn...is it midnight already?"